It’s Complicated: He’s Never in the Mood
By Karen Karbo, REDBOOK
Q. My husband and I started going to strip clubs, just to add fun to our already-hot sex life. Then that turned into the only thing that would get him in the mood. I finally blew up and told him I’d had enough of that scene, and now he never wants sex. He says he’s old and things don’t work like they used to. What is wrong with us? I miss his touch terribly. -R.L., 44, SOUTH CAROLINA
A. Unless he’s simply withholding sex to punish you for putting an end to the strip-club action (if so, I think he may be the first man in recorded history to resort to a sex strike), it sounds to me like you two need professional help. I ran your predicament past my friend who’s a couples therapist, and she suspects that your husband may have become a little addicted to the stripper thing, or that it has distorted his sex drive to the point where he’s no longer able to perform sexually without it.
Schedule a meeting with a therapist for the both of you; she’ll help you get at the truth without damaging your relationship. And while you’re waiting for the appointment to roll around, show him that you’re still game for a little experimentation. As you already know, good sex is about spontaneity and fun, so don’t go cold on him when he probably needs your love the most.
Advice guru Karen Karbo is a mom, a teacher, and the author of the new book How Georgia Became O’Keeffe.
Do you need life advice? Send questions about perplexing friends, family, mates, colleagues, and anyone else to karenkarbo@redbookmag.com , and include your initials, age, and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.
