I will never forget the conversation I had with a friend years back about her home life. We were both in college at the time (I think, lord that was long ago) and she revealed that her mother found out about her father’s sordid affair with this woman. I gasped, clutched my non-existent pearls and held my breath waiting for her to add, “So they’re getting a divorce.” Now you have to understand her parents trump all other parents. They are fun, loving, educated and throw amazing parties I must add. Bonus points??!!
Instead she went on to tell me how her father’s reigns since that honest moment in their marriage were pulled tighter. Her mother stepped up her fitness game, started to have more of a life and they have somehow throughout the years remained intact and remarkably in love. Whether he dips out on occasional trysts and adventures to this day is unknown and really none of my business but it wasn’t the story that left a staple in my mind throughout these years it was this statement she quoted to me, “cheating is inevitable.”
“Bbbbbut!” cried my early twenties soul. Up until that point I was under the belief that those things only happen when you haven’t set yourself up with a degree, big house and obese salary. Not them?! Come to find out I was the only one mourning in this situation.
It took me awhile to understand why a beautiful educated and god fearing woman would accept a man back into her home that had a penis with an attention span of a 3 year old on a sugar high.
What happens when someone strays from a relationship? Our first reaction is pain because it is betrayal of a commitment. We then start to question our self-worth and beat ourselves up and wonder what the other person has that we don’t. Then if the other is truly remorseful a new page is turned. Perhaps their representative, the one you fell in love with, takes over again.
It’s quite emotional the whole infidelity thing. If we take the emotions out of it for a quick second most of the time we will find that married or committed persons stray to test personal limits, not necessarily thinking about the other person or how they will be affected. They know that the person they have committed to has in some way accepted their whole being including strengths and weaknesses.
Is a man or woman who accepts their partner back after an affair bubble bursts perceived as weak? I’m beginning to think it’s quite the opposite. We will never know what conversations and challenges lay behind the doors of a particular relationship and we will never fulfill all our needs in a single person. I’ve accepted this and perhaps so has my friend’s mother.
To me it is so much more significant to pay attention to the present as opposed to the past. What will it take for us to become excited about each other and this love once again? I can’t be everything to you but what do you need from me right now?
Cheating may be inevitable whether it’s emotional or physical but it is not a black and white solution. I refuse to tell anyone how to handle a situation before they tell me how they want it handled. What does your relationship mean to you? What do you share together that no one else can intercede and take?
Cheating Is inevitable- Is this some bull or does the statement have validity?