Moments With Mathew: Are You Over Your First Love? [BLOG]

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When did you first fall in love?  No, I mean for real love.  Not that puppy love you had for someone in High school, you know the one you dated for 3 months and when you broke up you thought your life was over, nah I’m talking about that first HARDCORE love.  That kind of love that had you acting like a fool to impress someone.  That kind of love that made you put on that extra coat of lotion so they wouldn’t see you with ashy elbows at the park.  That kind of love that had you empty your bank account to help out your mate when they were in trouble.  That kind of love that wouldn’t let you eat because you didn’t know if your mate was with someone else….. Yeah, real love.

Now that I’ve got you thinking about that special (or not so special in some cases) someone, let me ask you this:  Do you ever truly get over the first person you truly gave your heart to?  Especially if the relationship ended badly.  I mean people can say all the cliché’s in the world: “It’s better to have love & lost than to have not loved at all” or “Some people are in your life for a reason or a season” blah blah blah. No one wants to hear that! When you lose the one you gave your heart to the only thing that can make you feel better at that time is getting that person back….. period.  Granted, some relationships are toxic (see Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada) and need to end, but what about the ones that end without achieving closure?

That first love always holds a special place in your heart.  You remember EVERYTHING about this person, how they dressed, how they walk, how their lips felt when you kissed for the first time.  We can deny this next point all we want but I personally believe that this is an undeniable fact:  We always compare every subsequent relationship to the one with our first love.  Now this can be good or bad, hear me out.  If our first love treated us right and went out of their way to make us happy then naturally you wouldn’t then get into a relationship with someone who treats us like crap would we?  And of course the opposite is true, if you were with someone who beat you, cheated on you, or was completely emotionally unavailable, our own common sense would steer us toward someone who was the opposite.  So with that being said, I want you to really ask yourself… Have YOU gotten over your first love?

Me, I remember everything about my first love and right or wrong I know I do compare some of the women I date to her.  My opinion is that this can mean one of two things: 1. A part of you is still in love with that person or 2. You haven’t been in love since.  When you’re in love with a person, there is no room to think of someone else, thoughts of your mate are all consuming.  So for me, if a new woman came in to my life and she had all the right attributes, then I’m sure it would be all about her.  This last point is very important because if you decide to move on to a new relationship and you know that your heart is still with someone else or, for that matter, is not fully committed to the relationship that you just got yourself into, then you are doing a grave disservice to yourself and the new person in your life.  This is how people get their tires slashed, windows busted out, etc….  Lord knows I need all four of my tires!

So to sum things up, I think its best for all of us to truly determine whether or not we are really over our first love.  Rushing into relationship after relationship leaves us no room to heal and plenty of room to hurt someone else.  Ladies before you say “yes” to that man asking you out to the finest restaurant in town, ask yourself “Do I really want to go out with HIM or do I just want to go out?” because believe me, if I take you out to the nicest restaurant then that means I like you….. A LOT!  Not only that, we go together!!!!  Fellas, before we call that girl over to our house to spend a lil time, ask yourself “Is she coming over because she just wants to or is she coming over because she’s trying to show me she wants more?”  All of this can save men and women a lot of heartache, doctor bills, trips to the auto detail shop, & time in the courtroom.  Know yourself, know your heart, and most importantly know who you truly LOVE.

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