The 10 Best Things You Can Do for Your Relationship
By Redbook
Amazing advice from real married couples and people who have seen, studied, and lived really good love. By Brittany Burke and Melissa Walker, REDBOOK.
Don’t try to change what you fell for
“Remember that every trait you love about your mate has a corresponding not-so-lovable flip side. So if you adore them for thinking outside of the box, don’t beat them over the head for not fitting in with the Joneses. Embrace what’s unique. That’s worth more than all the Joneses in the world.” –Kerry Ehrin, writer and producer for NBC’s Parenthood and Friday Night Lights
Cut the apron strings, already
“After 30 years of helping couples buy and sell real estate, I’ve learned that how involved the in-laws are is a good predictor of happiness. If either spouse listens to their parents’ opinion instead of their partner’s, I know I’ll get that house back as a new listing soon, when the divorce is final.” –Barbara Corcoran, real estate mogul
Prioritize your health
“A physically healthier you translates into every facet of your life, including your romantic relationship. It’s a trickle-down effect: When you eat right and exercise, you feel sexy and more comfortable with your body. That will give you the confidence to really be vulnerable, which is essential to intimacy–and it will improve your sex life.” –Jillian Michaels, health and wellness expert, author of Slim for Life: My Insider Secrets to Simple, Fast, and Lasting Weight Loss
Be silly
“Laughing relaxes you and makes you feel closer, so make it a priority. My husband loves to tell jokes just to make me smile, and I enjoy sneaking a tickle when he least expects it. It sounds like a small thing, but it makes a big difference.” –REDBOOK contributor Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., ob/gyn and professor at Columbia University in New York City
Keep on growing – apart
“As important as it is to spend time together, a marriage is not an island–each of you also needs a support system of friends and family, and your own interests. I love swimming and biking, while he enjoys playing the piano and reading. Having differing passions can keep a marriage strong by taking the pressure off you to be everything to each other.” –REDBOOK reader Ruth Nemzoff, married 48 years
Dream big
“Spend time each week, maybe it’s every Friday night, talking about your hopes and aspirations as a couple, and think about what will make you happiest going forward. You can say, ‘We’ll buy a house in our favorite neighborhood within five years,’ or, ‘We’ll have another kid by next summer,’ or even, ‘We’ll eventually visit the beaches of Greece together’–because it’s not about planning, it’s about imagining. This kind of thinking supplies the motivation to work toward what you want, and recover from setbacks along the way. Couples who don’t imagine a bright future together become stuck and brittle… and brittle things break.” –Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Your Next Big Thing
Stop asking “Do I look fat?”
“Research shows that most women overstate their body size by 25 percent or more. Your butt just got ¼ smaller! Now, instead of asking your partner to judge your figure, you can both concentrate on your relationship.” –Michael Alvear, author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat
Don’t nag: Trick him (a little)
“If you want something, make it seem like it’s his idea. All you have to do is plant the seed–it’ll grow. Last Christmas, I talked to my husband about our grandchildren’s gifts: ‘It would be nice if the boys had their own computers. I know they probably cost twice what Julie could afford.’ An hour later he said, ‘If she could pay for one, we could buy the other.’ My reply: ‘Good idea, Frank!'” –REDBOOK reader Dawne Polito, married 43 years
Don’t skimp on pillow talk
“Both sleep and love call for a similar type of psychological surrender. When we’re sleepy, our defenses are diminished and we’re more emotionally present, making this a good time to deepen intimacy.” –Rubin Naiman, Ph.D., sleep and dream psychologist
Give each other the once-over
“Never stop reminding your partner that you find him attractive. My husband recently said, ‘Let’s take this upstairs, Sexy.’ I told him to shush–but it made me smile.” –REDBOOK reader Connie Kalinowski, married 46 years
