Things Guys Hate About Your Online Dating Profile Pics
By Smitten, Glamour Magazine
1) Include fewer than three photos or more than seven. Yo’re either lazy, a catfish, or a lazy catfish. If you are in fact a real person, I’m sure you have literally thousands of photos of yourself, because Facebook. But don’t get me wrong: This is not Facebook.
2) Include only face shots (as in, no full-body ones). What are you hiding? Do you not have legs? If so, that’s totally fine, but I’d like to know before I invite you on a tandem bike ride.
3) Include a no-face shot (as in, an only-body one). I appreciate the gesture, but I’m perfectly capable of objectifying you myself, thank you very much.
4) Look completely different from photo to photo. I’m not interested in the evolution of your look, just what it was five minutes ago-unless that’s different from how you’ll look this weekend/you’re a shape-shifter.
5) Pose with friends who are significantly more than attractive than you. “Hot by association” only works in entire-sorority portraits. In this rather shallow cyberscape, the lens can’t convey that you’re the Ms. Congeniality of the group.
6) Pose with friends who are significantly less attractive than you. I see what you’re trying to do, and there’s no way I’m taking out a girl who uses her homely besties as an aesthetic foil. Shame on you.
7) Pose with other people who even remotely resemble you. It turns into a twisted adult version of Where’s Waldo, where instead of searching for the real you, I immediately spot the hottest version of you. Say hey to your cousin for me.
8) Pose with another dude. I’ve known you for three seconds, and I’m already jealous. Oh, that’s just your brother? Great, now I’ll recognize the guy kicking my ass when this all goes wrong.
9) Include a blatant cleavage shot, especially a selfie. You have boobs. And that you think I couldn’t (or didn’t already) figure that out is insulting to my manliness and my vision.
10) Make more than three quarters of your photos selfies. Just makes me wonder how long you spent in your room taking shots that didn’t make the cut.
11) Include a bathroom-mirror selfie. Unless it’s done ironically, in which case, are you free on Thursday?
