Marriage Rules That No Longer Apply

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In the past, married men and women often fell into their defined roles, rarely stopping to reveal their true emotions if something was starting to feel “off” for fear that their partner might not understand, or worse, would reject them for it. But now all that is changing. “I try to help couples express themselves, even if they’re worried that they’ll appear too vulnerable,” says Cheryl Gerson, LCSW, a couples therapist in New York City.

In other words, if you’re scared, say that out loud to your partner. You don’t have to be tough and brave all the time. “You’re human. Contrary to what you may think, admitting your fears and doubts will actually bring you and your partner closer,

Sexual desires should never be discussed

Once you fall into a sexual routine that works fairly well, you may fail to realize as a couple, you’ve likely reached only the tip of the sexual potential iceberg. It may take some awkward conversations and yes, you might risk some ego-bruising on both your parts, but human sexuality is an evolving practice that requires exploration and openness to keep growing. To minimize the chances of your partner feeling as though he’s doing something wrong, or failing to satisfy you, call this new phase “an experiment,” and say, “Tonight, I was thinking we could try something totally different, just for fun.” Read up on practices you’ve never tried before, or just start from a “beginner’s mind” going with what feels good in the moment — even if it’s out of your usual comfort zone.

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