1. He wants to relax after a long day. If he’s retreating to his man cave each night, that could create a pattern of disconnection, says Debra Castaldo, PhD, a relationship expert and director of the Center for Couples and Family Solutions in Midland Park, NJ. He may not realize you’re missing him, though, so tell him. Try: “It seems like we’re spending most of our evening time apart. I know you want to chill out, but I miss being with you. Maybe we can do something relaxing together,” suggests Dr. Castaldo. Find something soothing you both enjoy, whether it’s drinking wine, reading side by side in bed or finding a new favorite TV show. Once there’s togetherness, there’s an opportunity for intimacy, says Dr. Castaldo.
2. He’s reminded of the kids. Plenty of parents have scintillating sex lives, but some husbands have trouble seeing their wives as sexual beings once they become moms, says Laurie J. Watson, sex therapist and author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage. Another libido killer: putting children-and not your spouse-in the center of the family unit, says Charles J. Orlando, relationship expert and author of the series The Problem With Women… is Men. Clear out kiddie cues in your bedroom: toys, photos, even their laundry, suggests Watson. And if your children are hanging in your room when you want time alone with your hubby, tell them, “This is Mommy and Daddy time,” advises Orlando.
