1. Ughhh, why are you always tired? Because you are a tiny baby and my bones are made of dust. Let’s move on.
2. How come you won’t do shots/drink Jägerbombs anymore? Because that shit used to bounce off me and I’d wake up fine. But now I wake up feeling like I got hit by a car. And frankly, it’s not worth it. I’ll stick to white wine.
3. You’re such a drag for not going to this obscure rock band show in a smelly basement with me. I did my time in basement shows, spilling my Rolling Rock all over my shirt when I got caught in a mosh pit, wondering when my boyfriend’s band, Alt-Rock Fart Noise, would finally play their set. Know what’s hella cool? Reading.
