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1. The Too-Much-In-Love Couple

Between the constant “I love my honey sooooo much!!” and “I have the most amazing husband in the whole world!!!” updates, these couples do proclaim too much. Their updates are filled with flowery adjectives and almost always include the words “amazing,” “luckiest,” and “best! ever!” Sometimes the updates are even addressed to each other, like, “Kelly, it was exactly two months ago today I met you and became the luckiest man in the universe!” or “Mark, I loved every amazing second of our beautiful weekend together!!” Don’t these people have personal email addresses? Can’t they actually speak to one another in person and leave the rest of us out of it? But, of course, all these proclamations aren’t for their benefit, they’re for ours. We’re supposed to feel jealous of their burning love for one another and their incredible luck to have found each other. Unfriend! The Frisky: What Your Pet Name For Your Boo?

2. The Pathetic Couple

Outside of their relationship, this couple is miserable and empty. If either of them so much as works outside the home and they’re forced to spend eight hours apart, their updates are peppered with hourly countdowns until their end-of-the-day reunion. If one gets invited to a function without the other, they use their Facebook update to announce how unfair the world is and how nothing else in life is as important as the time they spend with each other. “I have to go to my BFF’s bachelorette party tonight, which means a whole evening without Nick! No fair!!!” How these couples ever managed to survive in the world without each other is one of t