Sex with an ex is like putting on our favorite outfit. We already know how it fits and we feel amazing in it! A comfort level already exists and there’s no awkwardness of the newness of sex because he or she already knows just how to please us sexually. So why not hit the sheets with an ex, right? Wrong! Ex sex can end up potentially causing way more harm than the orgasm was ever worth! And before we know it, we may end up hating our ex more than ever. So before deciding to go another round between the sheets with an ex, here are a few things to consider:
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1. Oxytocin is a beast! Sex conjures up all sorts of powerful feelings and it’s impossible to be immune to them. Every time we have sex with someone, there are hormones in our body that increases the bonding, pleasure and desire between us. During orgasm we secrete oxytocin which makes us feel more attached to our ex. While it may feel nice at first, it only takes a few nights of passionate sex to bring back all those old memories that can totally turn our world upside down. And besides, who wants to carry around all those emotions for someone we are no longer committed to anyway?
2. “It’s complicated!” When you have history with someone, it tends to complicate things. Trying to work through and process unresolved feelings, hurt, disappointments and grief is already difficult enough without adding sex to the mix. Having sex with someone is an incredibly intimate act, and it’s bound to open up the wounds of your past relationship. Sex can complicate even the most “committed” relationship, so just imagine what issues can arise between ex lovers.
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3. We cannot move forward holding on to an ex. People who stay in contact and have sex following a breakup will continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on. We must close the door to the past. The relationship is over. It’s time to let go and move on. Being friends is not always possible nor is it the best idea immediately after a breakup. Sometimes it’s best to completely cut the person out of our lives. If kids are involved, that may not be possible. If that’s the case, consider limiting the conversations to focusing only on co-parenting and not the romantic relationship that was once shared.
4. It creates more emotional baggage. It’s not always easy to avoid an emotional reaction when it comes to our ex. Sex inevitably creates an emotional connection. This is potentially dangerous, especially if one or both people have not had time to heal from the relationship. However, healing cannot take place if we’re still being held hostage by an emotionally charged sexual connection. Having sex with an ex could put us in a position of still being emotionally committed but technically broken up. In addition, this connection leaves us unemotionally available to anyone else.
6 Reasons Ex Sex Isn’t The Best Sex was originally published on blackdoctor.org
