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Did you hear about the Florida man who was arrested for hiding marijuana and crack cocaine in his butt last week? The same man who, upon arrest, claimed that the weed was his, but the crack wasn’t ? Well, today that guy is admitting that the weed and crack were his, but he wants your sympathy because he says he was only selling the drugs because he was thinking about his kids and “putting food in their mouths.”

Last week, 25-year-old Raymond Stanley Roberts was pulled over for speeding in Manatee County, Fla., and given a ticket. After the ticket was written, a sheriff’s deputy noted the strong odor of marijuana coming from his Hyundai (read: probable cause), Roberts’ vehicle and person were subsequently searched. While searching him, deputies felt a “soft object in his buttocks.” Roberts then offered to retrieve the object and pulled a clear plastic baggie containing marijuana from his underwear that he admitted was his. Upon further inspection, police noticed that he was hiding something else in his buttocks: 27 pieces of crack cocaine in another baggie. Roberts told them, “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.”

Yeah, okay.

The kicker is that Roberts wasn’t only “riding dirty,” he was doing so with his 4-year-old son in the back seat — taking him to school no less. In an interview with RadarOnline, Raymond “Crack in the Butt” Roberts, admits that the crack cocaine was his, too. And here is where this real-life episode of ‘Cops’ gets asinine. Roberts tells Radar that he was only selling the crack to support his family because it’s a recession and therefore hard for a black man to find legitimate employment. In his mind, a bad job market makes it okay to speed, smoke weed and be a drug mule all while your kid — who you care so much about — is in the back seat of the car.

This. Does. Not. Compute.

Despite these facts, Roberts has the audacity to say, “I’m a good father and would never put my kids in harm’s way.” Mr. Roberts, your shear stupidity makes you a crappy drug dealer, a bad dad and an even worse representation of black manhood. If you end up in jail with things other than drugs in your butt, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

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