“He’s A Good Guy, But He Lives In Another City And Has No Job Or Car”
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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been in a relationship with this man for almost a year. Everything about the relationship is great except for the fact that he lives in another city that is forty-five minutes away, and it is hard for him to see me because he doesn’t have transportation. His father is the only person who has a car between him and his parents, so his father takes him to school every day.
In December, he graduated, and I’m waiting to see what he will do since he’s graduated. I have a car, but my parents do not want me traveling that far to go see him. My mother wants me to find someone else because she feels that I can do better than a guy who hasn’t got a job or a ride. I don’t know if I should break up with him because I feel like I might be making a mistake because he is a good guy, but the situation is complicated. – Is He Worth It
Dear Ms. Is He Worth It,
Chile, if I had quarter for every time my parents and grandparents gave me advice when I was younger and I didn’t listen. Honey, I will be a millionaire.
Young people are rebellious, and like to live dangerous, especially defying their parents. Your parents give you advice on what to do, who to do it with, where to go, how not to do something, when to do something, and why it needs to be done. They have advice on everything because, basically, they don’t want you to “F” up your life and make the same mistakes they did.
By the way, you say you have been in a relationship with a man for almost a year, uhm, boo boo, he is not a man. He is a boy. No man is going to sit at home waiting on his parents to drive him around, and take him to school. No man is going to sit around living off his parents, and not get a job. So, darling, don’t confuse the definition of a man with the definition of a boy.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that your mother doesn’t like your boyfriend. I mean, can you blame her? He doesn’t have a job or car. He lives at home with his parents. So, I’m going to make a little wager with you here and say he’s not motivated or interested in doing anything with his life. Yeah, he may be a good guy, but is he a responsible guy? You know, is he interested in finding a job? Does he want to buy his own car? Does he want to move out of his parents home and get his own apartment? And, what are his goals, aspirations, and dreams?
I know you don’t have an answer to any of these things, because sweetie, you don’t really know him as well as you think you do. How do I know this, well, you would have put all this in your letter, and if he was working toward some goal in his life, then your mother wouldn’t be so hard on him.
Your parents have a great barometer on judging your friends and potential mates. Yes, when you get older there are some things you can see that when you’re younger you may overlook, or dismiss. Chile, trust me when I tell you, hindsight is twenty-twenty. You have both of your parents in the home. They are a couple, married, and raising a family. When you look at them do you see that for yourself? And, if you do, does your boyfriend possess any qualities that look like your dad, or what a helpmate should be?
Look, Ms. Is He Worth It, you know your boyfriend and by the sound of your letter you already have the answer of what he will do. HE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY EFFORT TO COME SEE YOU. If you have to ask if he’s going to do it after he graduated, then, no, he isn’t. If he wasn’t doing it before, then what is so different now, or what has changed since he’s out of school? He still doesn’t have a job or car. His father has to drive him everywhere, and if he gets a job guess who will be driving him to work? Dear ole’ dad. And, when he finally, and hopefully, gets a job he still has to save enough money to put a down payment on a car, even save enough to buy a car. So, it make take months, or possibly a year. Are you going to wait for him while he gets himself together? Girl, please! You better start and keep working on you and get you some education. And, you can think you can drive forty-five minutes each way, but honey, it will get old very quickly, trust me. Honey, get your focus and mind right. Buy my book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND. There are all kinds of juicy and wonderful nuggets in it which helps young women like you to know when you have a good man, and what to look for in a suitable and eligible mate. Oh, yeah, listen to your parents, and find a suitable young man who is closer to you, with a car, job, and some goals and aspirations in his life. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!