When Online Long-Distance Love Goes Wrong, Very Wrong


Dear Em & Lo,

I am an 18-year-old girl and recently got engaged to a 30-year-old guy. We have an online long distance relationship. I really like the guy and he likes me too. Things were really awesome between us after our engagement, he used to be really romantic and we used to flirt 24-7. Moreover, he actually used to be very desperate to talk to me in those days. But now after 3 months, things have changed. He isn’t romantic at all, never really flirts, and he doesn’t mind not talking to me for weeks. Like he doesn’t really miss me. It’s like all his romance has fizzled out. I don’t know what to do to bring back the old him. I never complain about it to him, because I think he is too busy with his job to even miss me. But can this be the true reason behind it, or is there something more to it?

— Child Bride

Dear C.B.,

We’re going to go out on a limb here and assume this letter is for real: You are too young to get married. Don’t do it! At least not for several more years. And when you do do it, please let it be with someone you have a real, loving (not just “liking”) relationship with that involves open and honest communication and actual face-to-face time. An online, long-distance connection with someone who goes weeks without talking to you is not a foundation on which to build a marriage. It’s just a way to kill time with unrealistic fantasies. Do yourself a favor: find a way to go to college, date, don’t date, get some love and life experience under your belt, and after a couple of years only then start thinking about the possibility of marriage, but only with someone you know really well and trust completely (i.e. not this guy).

Tough lovin’,

Em & Lo

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