Fathering a child can mean living a life on the fringes when you can’t get a legal job due to multiple child support payments that come directly from your check. Child support can follow a man well into his child’s adulthood, and it can’t be avoided. Non-payment of child support can also prevent you from getting a passport, certain licenses and more.
Here’s what boys and their parents should know.
TALK TO YOUR SONS EARLY
Don’t wait until your sons are teenagers to talk to them about responsible sex. In the Facebook generation, you need to start talking to them about sex as early as the tween years. Obviously, the conversations should be age-appropriate, but even young children should have some idea of their anatomy, how it works and what behavior is appropriate and not appropriate as it relates to their bodies. Sexual harassment of girls can start as early as elementary school. Make sure your sons are not the culprits, as that likely leads to escalation of harassing behavior later on.
SET BOUNDARIES
Young men who are encouraged to treat women like playthings even at young ages may lack respect for them as they get older. This behavior is often learned from the men in the household, who may allow their sons to hear conversations at barber shops or even at home that are dismissive or contemptuous of women. Just like young women don’t near to hear everything, young men don’t need to either. Teach your son that manhood is about more than just sexual conquests and that women are to be respected.
If there are no men in the household, don’t fall into the habit of trashing their fathers or other men, either. That may lead them to think less of themselves and can force them to repeat those negative patterns of behavior.
ENCOURAGE DIALOGUE
Single mothers, in particular, may have a more difficult time talking to their sons about sex, as adolescent boys are not necessarily prone to confide in their mothers about their budding sexual desires. And often, moms are squeamish about these kinds of conversations as well. Get over it. Keep the lines of communications open, and don’t be afraid to answer questions honestly if your son is curious. If there is a trusted male in your life, you may want to ask him to talk to your son. Keep in mind that a recent study in a Boston neighborhood said that many teens get sexual information from pornography. Don’t let that be your son.
BE HONEST
If you were a teen mother or if you have had negatives experiences with men from abuse to rape, you may want to talk to your sons about it and how it affected you. This is the time to help young men decide how they want to treat the women in their lives, and as a mother or father, you set the example. Men can provide examples as well, especially if they corrected certain behavior or saw their parent abused or being abusive. As a parent, if you’ve dealt with these kinds of difficult issues, talk to your boys about how it impacted you and what you …..
BE A PARENT
There are many parents who believe that befriending their children is better than parenting them. Unfortunately for the rest of us, those children grow up to become entitled adults who struggle in a world where everyone around them isn’t catering to them. Let’s face it: In our community, boys are sometimes coddled when they should be corrected. If you see or suspect behavior in your child that you don’t approve of, don’t be afraid to take a stand. Children who are not disciplined appropriately grow up to be adults who have a hard time taking responsibility. These same children will become parents, and the cycle continues. It’s your job to see that doesn’t happen.
