Top 10 Relationship Killers You Don’t Realize You’re Doing
julie@organikal via Flickr
It’s a scenario we all know too well. You meet the most amazing guy. After some intense flirting, he asks for your number. You give it to him. He calls soon after, asking to take you out. One date, two dates, three dates…things are progressing well! You think, “This is going to go somewhere!” But how do you keep it that way? Avoid any hazardous speed bumps with our list of the top 10 relationship killers!10. Your quirky habits turn annoying. Without proper communication of how these habits (i.e. channel surfing extremely fast or needing five blankets even in the summer) are becoming frustrating, these simple little idiosyncrasies-that we think make us endearing-will eventually turn into ticking time-bombs. Deactivate the blowout with a small discussion.
9. Not making an effort to hang out with each other’s friends. And for that matter, not even getting along with your S.O.’s friends/family is a major deal-breaker for many people. There must be a balance between friend time, couple time and when the two overlap.
8. Texting or IM-ing all day everyday while you’re both at work. Save the conversations for later; it will affect what you have to talk about on date nights! Avoid a convo like this: You: “Ohmigod! The craziest thing happened at work today.” Him: “Yeah, you told me about it on g-chat earlier today.” You: “Oh yeah…” Insert awkward silence. And you can’t forget that by chatting at work, you’re wasting valuable time.
7. Pouring your heart out in a card-birthday, Valentine’s Day or any other holiday that deserves a card. It’s a little too much to handle for anyone. Do we even need to mention the awkwardness that can ensue as he’s reading the novel you wrote inside the card while you’re secretly expecting it to encourage him to give you a grand confession of love? Yup, not gonna happen! Simple solution? Find a funny card and just sign your name. It will have the exact same sentimental value to him. Trust us.
6. Being too open or too secretive about your past. It is a fine line of saying how old you were when you lost your V-card to describing every little detail of who, when, where and what you felt through it all. TMI, peeps. If he wants to know about your past, give short and sweet answers and then move on. And as for how to deal with the “How many people?” question, try this answer for laughs.
5. Being too available. This isn’t to say you should play the hard-to-get game by ignoring calls, delaying your response to a text or making up plans when you’re actually free. That’s pointless and nobody likes those games. If you’re free for a date, you’re free. If you’re not, you’re not and you can reschedule. The downfall of being too available right away is that you are more prone to losing your independence as you enter into a committed relationship. And once you lose yourself, the relationship will start sinking faster than the Titanic.
4. Social media stalking. If you’re looking at your S.O.’s Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn all within five minutes, step away from the computer. NOW. This feeds even the most confident woman’s insecurity. You’ll start questioning the “Hey, how have you been?” comment from that cute brunette who is really just his cousin checking in. Insecure insanity-no bueno. And on a similar note, if you’re acting single on any social network, consider your relationship DOA.
3. Pushing the “What are we?” talk. The fastest way to end a relationship is to start talking about where it’s going. Don’t do it. Let it come up organically.
2. Doing the chasing. Sure, we’re all for a woman asking a man out. Go for it! But there is a humongo difference between making the first move and being a stage-5 clinger. We’ve all seen He’s Just Not That Into You and/or read the book. If he’s into you, he’ll make the effort to see you. If he’s not picking up that phone and dialing your number, listen to Beyoncé’s advice and consider yourself the best thing he never had.
1. Different lifelong goals. If you have a desire to be married and have babies one day and you’re dating someone who doesn’t want either, get out of that relationship ASAP. Yes, that’s harsh advice. But you can’t change a person and what he/she wants out of life. Having different views on these topics puts a timeline on your relationship and you’re better off saving yourself from the undeniable heartbreak. Follow the George Clooney rule. If you’re upfront about your desires out of life from the beginning (not necessarily on the first date, but before you make it FB official), then you’ll spare yourself from falling for someone who refuses to give you what you want.
Bonus Relationship Killer!
Getting too comfortable too quickly. In relationships, you should never think you fully have someone committed to you. When you’re in love, you should give your partner a reason to be with you each day. It’s the only way to have your bond grow stronger each day.