We Can Stop Pretending to Be Dumb Around Men Now…Uh, Thanks?
By Smitten, Glamour Magazine | Love + Sex – 7 hours ago
By Gena Kaufman, Glamour magazine
If that headline filled you with rage the likes of which you haven’t felt since watching Peggy’s office struggles in season one of Mad Men (OK, any season), great. You’ve got common sense, and if you were lucky, you grew up knowing women could have intellectual achievements AND a love life.
But Stephanie Coontz’s recent piece in the New York Times addresses the fact that for many women, choosing between an education and a husband was once a depressingly necessary choice. Some noteworthy points from the article:
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The previously bad:
- In the mid-20th century, the tendency for men to marry “down” and women to marry “up”, in terms of education, became prevalent. Possibly because Popular Science Monthly advised that educated women were too self-assertive to be able to love, honor and obey as wives should.
- Women were once advised to “play dumb” to attract men-and with practical (if offensive) reason. Intelligence was low on men’s list of important qualities in a mate in 1956. People, intelligence was seriously considered less important than housekeeping skills.
- Men in the 1950s joked that women with a Ph.D. had a degree in “Putting Hubby Down.” Ugh, shut up, old-timey dudes.
The new and improved:
- By 2008, intelligence moved up to the number four position on men’s lists of desirable qualities in a mate, just after mutual attraction, dependable character, and emotional stability, which seems like a pretty reasonable ranking order to me.
- Also as of 2008, there was no longer a difference in marriage rates among women aged 35 to 39, based on whether or not they were a college graduate.
- Women are, in fact, marrying “down” more now–but who cares? There’s no evidence that a marriage where the wife is more educated woman is any less satisfying, but there may be evidence that better educated wives get more help with housework and better sex. I’ll take that life, please.
Coontz points out that while there has never been a better time for women to be educated, many young women still want higher-educated men that they can “look up to”. As a fairly highly educated woman–I have a law degree–the fear over marrying “down” seems somewhat silly to me. Truthfully, intelligence is important to me, and I do tend to (somewhat unfairly) lump intelligence and education together. But I would never feel let down if the man of my dreams didn’t have a J.D. to match mine. I would, however, feel infuriated if a man thought I was too educated and independent for his taste. Luckily, I’ve never really encountered a man who seemed to have those outdated ideas.
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However, as I’ve mentioned approximately 472 times on Smitten, I am still single. Uh oh! Am I anecdotal evidence that men still secretly hate marrying women with graduate degrees? Nah, I’m just guessing they’ve all been intimidated by my stunning beauty, or possibly my incredible modesty. Or you know, I just haven’t found the right one yet, if you want to be all rational about it.
