Would You Recycle a Former Romance?
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle an Ex?
By Randi Newton for BounceBack.com
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! Sure it’s great to help out the environment by recycling paper, plastic, etc., but when it comes to matters of the heart and peace of mind – it may not always be the best idea. It’s easy to turn to recycling when you need to reuse an old outfit, shopping bag, or bottle…but when you delve into the dating bin of exes for “reuse” when thing…
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! Sure it’s great to help out the environment by recycling paper, plastic, etc., but when it comes to matters of the heart and peace of mind – it may not always be the best idea.
It’s easy to turn to recycling when you need to reuse an old outfit, shopping bag, or bottle…but when you delve into the dating bin of exes for “reuse” when things get a little stagnant in your love life, that’s where problems from the past may resurface.
Everyone’s done it, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s like digging that old pair of boots out from the back of your closet that you just can’t bear to part with. Sure they were great when you first got them; they might even feel comfortable when you slip them on after a long break. Then things start happening that remind you of why you put them away to begin with. They could be a little musty and almost worn out – they may even be bad for your arches and give you blisters – but you keep going back to them, even though the next day your feet may hurt more than it was worth it to begin with.
When is it time to kick those boots to the curb?
When a “recycled” ex – good or maybe bad – re-enters your orbit, and there are still feelings involved from either party, it’s important to take into consideration whether the situation is worth dusting off and giving it a second chance, or whether you should walk away from something that is no longer worth reusing over and over again.
Can recycling an ex be a genuine investment that could turn into something by giving the relationship another chance? If you’re thinking about recycling romance, take these things into consideration:
Why did things end in the first place?
Were there issues that could not be overcome? Religious differences? Substance or alcohol abuse? Was your ex reliable? Or was there a track record of flaking out at the last minute, or being rude to your friends?
A huge part of successful relationships are about willingness for both parties to meet halfway, and work out issues together. If an ex didn’t do that the first time around, will things really be that different once you dig back into the recycling bin for another try?
Are your needs being into taken into consideration?
Is the behavior displayed giving you bad déjà vu? If that’s the case, chances are that things may not be different when you try to make it work again.
Lay out what you want specifically from your recycled object: You have nothing to lose from being vocal about what you want out of a recycling situation. It’s the been there, done that, mentality. You know what to expect, but there’s always room for surprise.
The relationship already ended, so be upfront and honest. Be specific about what you’re looking for. If it’s a fun night out with no strings attached go for it. If you are looking for something more, or something that was lacking the first time around, make that known. If you don’t ask…you won’t know the answer. Save yourself time and energy. Be aggressive and confident on what you want from your recyclables.
Make a list, check it twice.
During my own attempt to recycle in my love life, my ex’s initial main approach was to try and woo me with material objects. Our relationship ended in the first place because he was an introvert, I was an extrovert, and he was dismissive of my friends. It was okay for us to hang out with HIS friends, but when it came to mine, he was resistant towards the idea. I wasn’t impressed with the material aspect of the situation. I wanted an EMOTIONAL effort on his part, and that was the one thing that wasn’t gelling.
I made and went over a mental checklist of why things went wrong. He was a great person, but we had too many differences to be able to overlook. We tried to talk it through, but as soon as I brought up simple things I enjoyed to do-like having coffee with MY friends and family once in awhile. we were always socializing with his friends/family. He never had interest in mine. When I mentioned this, his response was an earnest: “Well I can TRY. I can TRY to enjoy getting to know them. I just don’t know if I will like that. We can spend time with MY friends though.” I immediately told him that things wouldn’t be able to work. He was upset, but I told him it was fine.
No one should have to feel forced to try and make things work. If it feels like a chore and a burden, that’s when it’s time to get out the blue bags and throw the cans out, call the Salvation Army to pick up that bag of clothes…because once you do that, you’re opening more space, physically and emotionally, to go after the kind of relationship that you truly want and deserve. Remember one person’s “trash” is another’s treasure…you just have to be ready to let it go, and move things forward by parting with those recyclable items you no longer need in your closet, or heart.
Do you think its good, or even fair, to recycle an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? Or should we remember that it ended for a reason?