Can You Trust Him when He Says I Love You?
Checkered raceway flagBy Cristina Fahrbach-Connors
Men are three times more likely to say “I love you” first, and they usually mean it. But don’t let yourself get played by some romancers playing head games.
The Racecar Romeo
Your first few dates were fun, and you’re starting to like this guy. Then the Racecar Romeo tries to accelerate from “getting to know each other” to a “serious relationship” so fast you get whiplash. He blurts out “I love you,” and you shake your head wondering, “Where did that come from?”
When a man moves too fast, he may be mistaking lust for love or he may be in love with the idea of falling in love. Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences says a man can be enamored with the idea of love at first sight, too. Maria Coder, founder and author of InvestiDate: How to Investigate Your Date, recommends watching your guy’s body language to uncover how he really feels. How physically near — or far — is your Racecar Romeo when he tells you he loves you? “Closing the gap between you indicates a level of intimacy,” says Coder. If you need to reach out to hug or even touch him, your man might be leaving space to wiggle away. If he moves in close, he’s probably sincere and open to a more serious relationship. But if that space between you is too narrow for your comfort, tell him you want to keep moving forward, just at a slower pace.
The Closer acts like a business mogul gunning to finish a big deal — and you’re the acquisition he’s after. He isn’t sure if he loves you yet, but to him, saying “I love you” is a smart negotiating tactic to convince you to stick around. Then he can take his time mulling over his feelings and options, confident you’re a sure thing in the meantime.
So how do you know if he’s stringing you along? Listen to his tone of voice. “If he’s monotone and expressionless, it could mean he’s saying the words without the feelings to match.” But don’t write him off without considering how he copes with other things, says Coder. Some people try to hide or make light of their feelings because they’re afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt. If you’ve seen him react like that in other situations, his feelings may truly be sincere. Original Story