I pay very close attention to the keywords people use to find my personal blog on the internet. Sometimes I’ll play around on Twitter, announce the wacky and often sexually explicit keywords that people use to find Goddess Intellect, but rarely has a search phrase messed with my entire being.
It disturbs my spirit how many hits my blog is getting by with the term, “Why am I attracting married/attached men?”
Perhaps it’s the article I wrote last year called “Why would a single woman only attract married men?” The term comes up at the top of the list daily. I also receive letters and talk to mainly women who are absolutely at their wits end trying to make sense of situations they have no business being in. Sometimes it gets draining having to answer the emails mainly because of the reminder of the pain I went through. I’ve never been with a married man before but I’ve been with men who were not in the business of claiming me as their own, to me it’s the same damn game.
I am familiar with how that feeling of uncertainty can crush your entire day. I don’t believe every woman who gets involved with a blind love triangle wants to be in the situation she is in, but she may not necessarily be ready to leave it either.
The one thing that separates a woman from a girl is her comfort level with using the word NO. The difference between a woman and a girl has nothing to do with age or puberty and everything to do with the level of respect she has for herself and others in her life. There are females of all ages alone and miserable because they refused to become friends with the word NO, they will fall into the same patterns getting involved with the same dude with a different face.
I am still in the process of healing my heart and I do this best by helping others. I’m not too sure why this is my calling but I’ve always known that I wanted to be in a position where I could support because there were times that I’ve had to lean on others with heavy stuff so I claim my blessings by paying it forward.
If you’re constantly being disrespected in your relationships, questioning it’s validity, there is no time like the present to get it together. If I have to answer a million emails I will, but if you’re someone who has a hard time saying no or staying away from unhealthy relationships I got a few tips for you:
- The more you get used to saying NO or rejecting unhealthy relationships the easier it gets, I promise
- Have someone you trust hold you accountable for your NO. If you trust nobody hit me up. Tell that person what you’re going to say NO to and ask them for support in the after math because you may want to go running back.
- If you have a hard time saying NO because of guilt, ask yourself repeatedly- Why do I feel guilty?
- If you have a hard time saying NO because your motto happens to be something like YOLO (quit giggling), ask yourself repeatedly- What do I want my ideal relationship to look like? If it does not match the current one you need to [fill in the blanks]
- Men love women who are comfortable with using the word NO because they become instantly clear about where your priorities lie.
This article is just my two cents, but I want to hear from you- What is one thing that separates women from the girls in relationships?
Oh and if you don’t believe me about the whole NO thing, believe Raheem Devaughn: