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We Are the Needy

By Monika Basile

Holding hands.

I think I have heard enough of it.

This world says so knowingly, “You should not need, not attach. You should be fine, wonderful, content with just yourself…”

I say instead, “Enough. I’ve heard enough.” I will not be able to live in this particular version of the world any longer because I find that all that world does-is make me feel as if something is inherently wrong deep inside me. I shall instead live in this world I am surrounding myself in…one where I am connected.

The way to avoid living is to detach yourself from it-to talk yourself out of actual need and substitute the word want. The way to never get hurt by loving, is to never allow yourself to love-to not open yourself up to actually needing other people to round out your life.

So many miss the entire point of humanity, of life itself by forgetting that nothing exists alone. We are not intended too. Not one thing is supposed to be without another. Even the stars have fellow stars, a moon, a planet and an astronomer somewhere watching, a child wishing-a dreamer dreaming of what is beyond.

We can’t exist in this world without each other. I really do not think we are supposed to. Yet, on we go listening to this society telling us it’s all about how happy we are with ourselves, love ourselves and if no one else comes along we are just fine. We aren’t. We are merely pretending. We are simply avoiding the deep dark truth hiding it’s ugly face inside us.

Tell an orphan if they just become happy with their own accomplishments that they will not need a mother or a father. It isn’t so. We always need this. It doesn’t mean we will drop off the face of the Earth if we don’t have it. It means that every person in the world needs a mother and father and if they are not there, something will forever be missing. Something will always be longed for. Yet, we may think we are better off not to attach ourselves to that thought because it is painful if we allow ourselves to think of what we miss so deeply.

We cannot fill empty spaces with empty things or activities. It remains empty. And we, as humans, remain a needy bunch regardless if we allow it or not. It is still there lurking around us no matter what we do to push it away or climb over it and get past it or even ignore it. We can ignore the holes, the big ones and the little ones and even skirt around them, but as we step lightly we are still aware we can slip through in a minute. It has only become habit to ignore the missing parts as we tell ourselves everything is fine and we are fulfilled.

What we fail to remember in our quest for love is that not only do we need others, they need us too. Not only do we crave to be loved, we crave to actually love. We need to be touched and to touch, to give and to take. We need all aspects of it. We NEED it-not only want it. We can physically exist without love, however, we only exist. We go through the motions rather than the emotions and eventually we become numb to each other as we attempt to excuse ourselves politely from our hearts and the hearts of others. Even the hermits of the world need people. They choose to ignore the need. It doesn’t mean it is not still there bubbling wildly beneath the surface of their isolation.

I think we are living in such a fear of looking needy, of feeling needy we are all ignoring what is truly a simple human need-the need of each other-and we are instead labeling it as a deficit of character. So many have become suspicious of motives because we have our own secret or subconscious motives. Love is not a purely unselfish act. It really isn’t. We get something out of it in the midst of giving our all. We. Become. Alive.

Monika M. Basile

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