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By Jane Garapick

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One of my male readers pointed something out recently that really got me thinking about the whole idea of scarcity. He noted that there are many educated, responsible, interesting men out there that are complaining about the reverse of what we women are often complaining about – namely, the lack of available women.

So how can it be that both sides are feeling the same, particularly when the statistics show that nearly half (44%) of the U.S. population over age 18 are single, with this group being roughly split with 53% being female and 47% being male (so single men have a slight advantage). But that’s still nearly 48 million single men in the U.S. alone.  So why do so many of us have so much trouble finding just one?

We found that both groups had their long list of must-haves, with the WOW factor being at the top of the list. And both groups were becoming more and more close-minded with a stricter must-have list all the time.

You see, what we soon realized is that our friends were holding out for this unrealistic, fantasy-like chemistry that they couldn’t even define – but they believed they would know it when they saw it. They didn’t realize that, while being relatively attracted to your potential mate is important, there are many more important things that will determine if you will be happy in a long term relationship or not. Like how you he treats you, how he cares about you, how you care about him. Fireworks and chemistry both fade over time, whereas treating each other with kindness and respect, caring about each other, and sharing the same values and goals will build a long lasting love like you wouldn’t believe. Instead of fading with time, this kind of true love just gets better and better.

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