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Are you pregnant? Because you look it.”

“You’re so smart, you’re socially inept. It’s a compliment!”

“‘You’ve never looked prettier than you do tonight.’ I get that that’s not terrible, but do I really look that bad the rest of the time?

“While shopping for her dress for our wedding, she raved about my husband’s ex and how much she misses her. I’d been with my (soon-to-be) husband for six years…and it wasn’t even the ex before me that she was talking about!”

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