1. “You got a promotion! That’s adorable.”
Unless you work at a baby kitten factory, and it therefore is literally adorable, this is not acceptable behavior.
2. “You’re so cool, how are you still single?”
Because my Coolness is an ever-expanding supernova, enveloping and destroying every potential mate in its path, that’s why.
3. “You’re not like the hot but totally crazy girls I date.”
Translation: “You’re not one of those passionate, smoldering, exciting ‘Have an argument about politics that segues into awesome Mr. And Mrs. Smith angry sex up against a wall’ girls I will remember for my entire life. You’re more the “Hey sweetie, can you pick up my Preparation H on the way home from work?” type.
4. “You have such a pretty face!”
But I want to throw holy water on the rest of your hideous body, you disgusting beautiful-headed demon-woman.Read More