1. A new purse. It’s like the old thing you put a bunch of stuff in, except a different color. As far as we’re concerned, all purses look the same.
2. Shaved/unshaved legs. Unless you’re coming at us like Sasquatch we probably can’t tell you have a little bit of stubble on your legs.
3. New candles. The part of our brain that let’s us process candles in general is just missing. If you take us to a Yankee Candle store in the mall, we just see a black void. Point being, there’s no way we’re going to tell the difference between “Vanilla” and “French Vanilla” and “Vanilla Cupcake.”
4. No makeup. Women never believe this, but sometimes we don’t notice you’re not wearing makeup. We really don’t. And then we get yelled at for lying. This is one of life’s greatest mysteries.
5. New shoes. We never look below anyone’s knees. This is a fact.