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black-couple-in-bed-talking1. I have to look like an adult. I can’t wear gym shorts to bed like I have since high school. Where are those pajama pants my mom bought me for Christmas last year? Is the fridge stocked? Do I have good bottled water so she doesn’t have to drink my faucet water that tastes like pennies in the middle of the night? Do I have soap in the bathroom? I should probably get soap. Aaaand wipe the beard stubble out of the sink.

2. There are not enough drawers to hide all my embarrassing stuff. Dungeons and Dragons is under the bed and I’ve tucked my Doctor Who box set behind my Man Sports Volume IV DVDs. What if she wants to check her email and finds my porn folder? I guess I’ll just destroy my computer.

3. How many condoms in the bedside table are appropriate? A brand new pack looks presumptuous, but if I open this pack I’m going to look like a player. Maybe two in the drawer and the rest in a safe buried in the backyard? Or … ?

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