Once again, another Hollywood couple has decided to call it quits. Comedian Chris Rock and wife, Malaak Compton-Rock are headed for divorce after nearly 20 years of marriage…20 years! How does this happen? Are Hollywood marriages that hard to maintain? With the onslaught of African American marriages visibly breaking down, we compiled this list of tips from successful couples on how to divorce-proof your marriage.
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1. If you have to fight, walk and fight. Many arguments stem more from being cooped up together in tight quarters than from the issue at hand. Plus, getting fresh air is good for you, and it will give you more energy for No. 3. (Hey, everyone knows that makeup No. 3 is the best kind.)
2. Over-Communicate. Some, many men especially, don’t see the value in over-communicating to their spouse. While one spouse may not want to hear or share everything about themselves, the other spouse may want to know. So if one spouse needs to hear it, it’s important to the marriage. Over communication also cuts down on rumors about you and your mate–you’ll already know the truth before anyone else says something. Treat your life like a great Facebook post, SHARE IT!
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3. Have sex with each other. Seriously! Sex is proven to lighten the mood, make you feel better in a number of ways, including reducing stress. One piece of advice someone shared is to begin to undress anytime you and your mate start to argue–you will either have sex or die laughing (Ha! It’s worth a try). And if you can’t have sex with each other for some reason, let your spouse know that you are thinking about having sex with him and that you are looking forward to the next time you are both available for sex. Try sending a “sext”. Just make sure you’re sending it to the right person!
4. Respect “Me Time”. Sometimes your spouse needs to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes. Look, he’s not going to the bathroom the whole time; he’s trying to get away from you. And that’s OK. Maybe you’re being annoying. We can all be annoying at one time or another. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad marriage, it’s just time to one’s own thoughts and feelings.
5. Listen just to listen, don’t listen to respond. Many times, while our mate is talking, we are thinking of our response. That’s not truly listening. Sometimes we must forego what we want to say and listen to what he/she is saying (and not how they are saying it). Trust me, it will get you out of hot water many times.
6. Never apologize if you aren’t sorry. Some spouses want to “keep the peace” and say they are sorry or apologize to keep their mate happy, but if you’re truly honest with your mate, you will state the truth. It may seem harsh at first, but it will get everything out in the open.
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7. Date, date, and date some more. Just because you got married, doesn’t mean you have to stop dating. People say it over and over again; “do the things you did to get me after you got me.” But we understand it’s sometimes hard to do with jobs, kids, responsibilities, etc. But you have to have unwavering when it comes to dating. Dating allows you to continue to have fun with your mate and learn more outside of marriage. Couples who dated for at least three years before their engagement were 39 percent less likely to get divorced than couples who dated less than a year before getting engaged. So even if you didn’t date long before marriage, make up for DURING the marriage. Keep dating!
For more healthy relationship tips, click here.
