- Focus on your orgasm. When I first learned about the orgasm gap in my human sexuality class in college, I was floored. I had never thought about the fact that men orgasm so much more often than women do even if they’re having the same amount of sex. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones who gets off every time (your hair probably looks like an Herbal Essences ad too), make it your mission to prioritize your pleasure in 2015. There are tons of ways to reach the big O, like toys and better oral on his part. Experimenting is key to success. Isn’t that the whole point of science?
- No more waiting around. I want to pull my hair out when a friend says she spent a night at home because there was a *chance* the guy she liked might make plans. The thing is, I can’t. That would be some hypocritical hair-rending, as I’ve 100 percent felt that urge before. But 2015 is time to finally break the habit. Don’t wait around for a guy who wouldn’t do the same for you, whether it’s a new date or someone you’ve loved forever who’s feeling shaky about if he feels the same. If you’re just an option, don’t make him a priority.
- Forget “should.” You might feel like you should technically be into the good-on-paper lawyer your mom wants you to date or you should feel something for your best guy friend, who happens to be madly in love with you. Ignore the guilt trip that comes with “should” and concentrate more on what you actually want. Forcing yourself to like someone never turns out well.
- Ditch the body insecurities. I get it—you’re human. You might wish you could trade in aspects of your body like they were auto parts. But anyone who is lucky enough to get naked with you should (A.) not even notice any imperfections because he’s too busy focusing on pleasing you and (B.) not care if he does pick up on a flaw because, again, you’re human. If he wants perfection, he can go get with a Barbie doll (it’s no coincidence that they don’t have proper anatomy).
- Stop second-guessing. Just send the text. Walk over to the guy. Flirt with your coworker crush. Stop worrying that any of it will make you seem insecure or desperate. Just do what comes naturally and listen to your women’s intuition. You were originally blessed with it so it could keep you safe from things like saber-toothed tigers. Compared with that, it can more than handle your love-life issues.
- Appreciate what you’ve got. The grass is always greener, so you might covet some aspects of your best friend’s relationship with her boyfriend. By all means, use aspirational relationships as inspiration. Just don’t let them eclipse what you’ve got going on in yours.
- Say “thank you.” Expressing your gratitude often is essential for keeping your relationship happy and healthy.
- Reinforce what you deserve. I’m not going to tell you to do affirmations in your bathroom mirror every morning, because that isn’t some people’s bag. But every time you want to get down on yourself because of an unsavory love-life development, ask yourself if you would treat your friend the same way. Would you tell her the terrible things you’re about to tell yourself? Ultimately, you should be your own best friend.
- Be honest with yourself. Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean blindly going through life without honestly assessing who you are and how you handle love. Take a calculating look at how your relationships have gone and what you want in the future, and don’t delude yourself. It can be painful and scary, but confronting things like being too accommodating to new guys or never being able to handle singleness will only get you closer to forever love.
With that, I bid you lovely readers adieu until next year. I hope you have a celebration full of love, laughter, and, most important, something bubbly. See you on the other side!
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