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“Something I’ve learned is that real love is counterinstinctual. We’re designed as creatures to protect ourselves and to survive, and therefore we go after what we need. But with real love, you commit to the survival of the other person. And that has a paradoxical effect: Your survival is secured because when you surrender your focus on getting your own needs met, your relationship with your partner will change. It’s not manipulative—you’re genuinely caring for your partner, who knows it. Helen and I still have our differences, but they’re like a ripple on the surface of an ocean. It touches me even to think about it, that I feel so safe and valued…”

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