The Not-So Good…
1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument
You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it’s a given you’re not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that’s okay — your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it’s bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. “The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don’t respect what they’re saying,” says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen.
2. You can’t handle the uncomfortable silences
Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don’t faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics (“Have you talked to your sister lately?”) that could spell trouble, since it shows you’re not really relaxed when you’re around them.
3. Your dates are always full of distractions
It’s healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends — that is, as long as that’s not all you do together. “It’s not a good sign if the only things you’re saying to each other are, ‘Let’s hang with friends, or let’s do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,’” says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time isn’t so thrilling. If an offer of “Tonight, let’s just hang out together alone” doesn’t sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other
Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, “but if the other person starts making critical comments, like not liking what you’re wearing, that’s not good,” says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away — so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, “That shirt looks weird” or “How can you stand living on this street?” you’re tapping into a bigger problem. “As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news.
5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up
It’s a red flag if the person you’re with gives you the cold shoulder when you’re not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily ever after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn’t so sweet. And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs.
You’ve Met Your Perfect Match If You… was originally published on blackdoctor.org
