Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s marriage has always been the ultimate symbol of #BlackLove. However, the couple, who’ve managed to stay happily married ever after, are not without fault. In the season one return of Jada’s “Red Table Talk,” we watch Will and Jada have a very transparent conversation about the highs and lows of their marriage and the tools that helped them build such a solid foundation. But even then, did they find themselves at crossroads.
Jada was unhappy and cried for 45 days straight, Will revealed. Despite the Hollywood facade they put up, she was struggling with resentment and fear while Will was blinded by his success. Part one aired just moments ago, and here’s what we learned from the candid and informative sit down.
Communication Is Key
Will revealed he watched his father punch his mother in the face and refused to put up with any hostile relationship. An early incident in their relationship provided a learning moments. According to Will, he was sitting down with his son in his arms when Jada told him to “shut the f*ck up.” He says he popped her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and asked to have a conversation with in private when he offered her an ultimatium. Never use vulgar language like that again or lose him.
“I had to disciple myself,” she said. “And really handle that within myself to see, ‘OK, what are you angry about?’ And then come to peace and then go talk to Will when I can actually have communication.” You’re not communicating when you’re talking to someone in anger. What I realized, you’re beating up someone you say you love.”
The remedy? Come back to the conversation when you’re calm and peaceful because the words and actions during a bitter argument can’t be taken back.
“There have been plenty of times we’ve said, I can’t do this right now,” Jada added. Will agreed. “You can apologize a thousand times and can never get it back,” he said.
Check Your Ego
During the lowest place in their marriage, Will revealed he began building a house for his wife that he would ultimately call “Her Lake.” While the gesture was grand, it was rooted in Will’s ego and the picture perfect family he sought to have after growing up in a toxic household.
Will couldn’t understand why his wife was so unhappy when they had all the success, riches and respect but learned he and his wife didn’t have the deep connection he thought they had.
“During that time, I remember saying “I built this house for you” and she said, ‘You built this house for you.”
“In my mind I was saying I was building it for her, but I wasn’t. I called it her lake as an ego cover. What I realized that I was building a picture.” And Will wanted to build the opposite of that.
“I had a public perception that I wanted to project about of our relationship, of the family and what our kids were.”
It’s Easy To Lose Yourself In Your Relationship
Will realized early in his previous marriage that he wasn’t with the woman he was supposed to be with, but divorce wasn’t an option until his ex-wife presented it to him. Upon signing his divorce papers he called Jada, who he knew he had chemistry with, and asked her to be with him.
Jada had just left the business when she got the call from Will. She had just purchased a farm in Baltimore and embarked on living the life she always dreamed of, to only have it cut short but love. She never spent one night on her farm in Baltimore. Two years later, Jada got pregnant and shifted her focus to being the family Will wanted.
It wasn’t until Jada cried for 45 days that Will realized he was failing his wife and family. “I think that’s the worst I ever felt in our marriage. I was failing miserably, but on the outside I was winning.”
Jada felt trapped in a life she didn’t want, but had to come to an understanding she accepted all it out of fear of rocking the boat.
“There’s a lot of stuff you let slide and go past that angers you and you get resentment but you don’t change it because you’re scared,” Jada said.
When Jada turned 40 she reached the point of no return and lashed out in a way to reclaim her being. We’ll just have to wait until part two to see what she did to break the status quo in the Smith household.
Everything We Learned About A Successful Marriage From Will & Jada’s ‘Red Table Talk’ was originally published on hellobeautiful.com