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Dear Ask The Blackman,

I have been dating a woman for a year. We have amazing chemistry in all aspects of our relationship (conversations, sex, etc.) and so much in common.

We have been connected by the hip since we first met. We hang out and talk all of the time and have also traveled together. We have both expressed that it is scary how well we get along. Lately we have been having conversations about marriage, having kids, and spending the rest of our life together. Everything seemed to be great and then I did not hear from her as much and eventually did not hear from her for three weeks. I get a voice mail message at my job saying that she is okay and that I will hear from her soon. I have not heard from her since that message. She is the love of my life and I feel like I might have lost her. What should I do? Should I wait around or move on?

-Terry Howell

Hi Terry,

It sounds like she has developed a case of “cold feet.”  It seems like she has gotten scared over the thought of marriage and is taking the time to re-evaluating things.

In your conversations/interactions has she ever had any escapist type of behavior? At times people get into this mode because they really like the person but they have been really hurt in a past relationship. They get scared to invest all of their emotions in a situation in fear of getting their heart broken.

I suggest that you give her some more time and see if she re-engages with you. Perhaps give her a call to check in to let her know that she is in your thoughts. She may start to interact again when she is able to collect all of her feelings. However, set a timetable on how long you wait for her.  If she does not communicate with you at all it is not fair to you to be waiting around.

Don’t blame yourself for this circumstance because it is not about you nor is it your fault. A lot of people tend to blame themselves in these situations.

Good Luck and I hope this helps.