Are You Just Friends?



I have a bad habit of repeatedly falling for the same type of guy… and then promptly sliding into the Friend Zone, where he becomes my bud instead of my boyfriend. Such behavior has obviously made for a good amount of angst, and extreme amounts of unrequited love. How can you tell if you’re going down that same, unpleasant path? 

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1. You always initiate. The time you spend together is the stuff movie montages are made of, filled with goofball antics, laughter and moments of heart-pounding verbal intimacy. Though perhaps your heart is the only one pounding. If you’re always the one to pick up the phone, chances are he’s not quite as eager to see you as you are to see him.

2. When he does initiate, he brings a backup (or five). Bereft over the fact that you never get that much-desired quality alone time together? If he’s only inviting you out on group outings, it may be that he sees you as one of the guys. This can be flattering, but he doesn’t generally cuddle with his guy friends after spending the day together. Read: Is It A Date Or Are We Just Friends?

3. He calls you buddy. Or bro. Or your last name, circa high school. Or something else that is distinctly unfeminine, and a glaring reminder that he does not see you as a sexual being.

4. He talks about his other conquests with you. Which is so heart-shatteringly painful that it takes all you have not to break down in tears in front of him. Instead, you swallow your pain and pretend to be totally fine with rating the sex appeal of various female passersby—thereby solidifying even further your status as his “bro.” Read: His Wandering Eye. What Does It Mean?

5. He frantically attempts to set you up with men that aren’t him. He’s no dummy. On some level, he knows you dig him. And he feels terrible that he doesn’t feel the same way. This is why he’s suddenly so determined to find you another guy with whom you can share everlasting love. No, he’s not testing your loyalty. He’s trying to ease his guilt.

6. He lets you sleep over. But doesn’t lay a finger on you. No matter how often you “accidentally” bump into him or allow your sweatshirt to fall seductively over one shoulder, Flashdance-style.

7. He only gets grabby when he’s drunk. If a dude likes you, he’ll find any excuse he can to touch you: playfully, comfortingly, seductively. (Does anyone remember when tickle fights were a perfectly viable pickup tactic?) But if he only gets touchy-feely when he’s drunk, lonely or miserable due to the effects of a recent breakup, don’t be tempted to take advantage of this momentary bit of vulnerability. You’re looking for a sober seduction, remember?

8. He then says, “We’re friends… right?” If you do happen to experience a lapse in good judgement, there’s a good chance you’ll hear this line the morning after. And good gracious is this line frustrating.

9. He’s dating your roommate. Despite all that you’ve shared, he ends up falling in love with your roommate the very first time you bring him home. Even worse is the fact that she then reciprocates. Misery.

10. He comes out to you. And in case you were wondering… if he happens to confide in you that he does cuddle with the guys after spending the day with them, you shouldn’t take this news as a challenge to “turn” him. That would just be a ridiculous, crazy-making exercise in futility.

Believe us. You’ll know if he starts seeing you as more than “just friends.” He’ll start wearing spiffy clothes and cologne when he hangs out with you. He’ll initiate tickle fights. He’ll try to touch your boobs. Seriously. You’ll just know. Read: 4 Signs You’re More Than Friends

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