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Want some fresh insight into your love personality? Forget about whether you’re a Leo, Pisces or Aquarius; instead, consider whether you’re a first-born, middle child, or baby of the family. If you want to understand how you operate in every kind of relationship, “understanding birth order is a lifesaver,” stresses psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book. Read on for more insight into your love life:

If you’re an oldest child…

It’s no coincidence that most U.S. Presidents were first-borns, because this is the sign of natural leaders. You’re a take-charge person, so not the type to drive friends and romantic partners crazy asking questions like, “I dunno where we should eat; where do you want to go?” Instead, you’ll make sure you have reservations — and land a prime table, too. And anyone lucky enough to pair up with you won’t spend weeknights wondering whether he or she has Saturday night plans, because “oldest kids are planners,” says Dr. Leman. You’re also old-fashioned (in a good way). You always come through on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.

Your love challenge: Being more spontaneous. First-borns aren’t the “seize the day” sort (you’re not one to text your sweetie to suggest meeting at this fun café you just walked past). Likewise, “you hate surprises,” Dr. Leman warns. Pity the fool who springs meeting the parents on you or when you thought it was just the two of you going out tonight!

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