“Why I had an affair with a married man”
- By Jolie du Pre – Mon May 23 9:20am PDT
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Mildred Patricia Baena bore Arnold Schwarzenegger’s child almost 14 years ago. Her name was not revealed until the former governor of California confessed to his wife, Maria Shriver, after he left office.
I wonder about the woman known as “Patty.” Why did she sleep with Arnold, and does she regret the affair?
I wonder because in my past, I, too, have slept with a married man behind his wife’s back. My marriage was an open marriage, and I was free to have fun with another man if I wanted to.
All I cared about was the honesty on my end. I didn’t care about the honesty on his end. But that was then. I don’t feel that way now.
Says psychotherapist and life coach Christine Webber, “Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, destructive, painful, time-wasting and demeaning.”
Every time I see the wife of the man I slept with, it’s a reminder of what I did. Does she know that I’ve been with her husband? I’m not sure, but she’s always friendly to me whenever we bump into each other, and that just makes me regret what I did even more.
Why do women have affairs with married men?
“Why’d I do it? I don’t know. The attraction was electric, which seems bizarre to me now (13 years later). I was 21. He was 42. I guess a better question is why didn’t I not do it? I didn’t promise his wife anything – he did. I thought then and think now that he was the one committing wrongdoing there. And yes, now that I’m married with kids of my own, I still believe that. If my husband had an affair, my anger would be directed at him, not a random woman who never promised anything to me or our children.” — Dana, St. Louis, Mo.
“I have slept with a married man before. I would like to consider him something like a ‘sugar daddy’. Obviously he was not happy with his marriage and was interested in a younger generation. Do I have regrets? Not really. You live and learn. Would I do it again? Depends on the situation.” — Kaitlyn, Paducah, Ky.
“I have been sleeping with a married man for over five years now. The weird part is that it is the longest relationship that I have ever had. While I have no regrets, I feel guilty when I see pictures of him and his wife. I guess the main reason I do it is to feel loved and wanted by someone. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find this with someone who is single.” — Sarah, Orlando, Fla.
“Yes, I slept with a married man a very long time ago. I was in a marriage that was as boring as watching paint dry, and then I lost 100 pounds and started getting a lot of attention – from everyone except my boring husband. I had a very long term affair. His wife found out after about two years and threw him out. We lived together for another year and a half, but it didn’t work out, thankfully! He wasn’t very nice towards the end of our relationship. I remained divorced and alone for 16 years until I met my current husband.”– Leighann, Cleveland, Tenn.
“It was 1978. I was 23. He was 47. He was a wealthy real estate investor with three kids. I worked at an answering service and lived with a couple of different roommates during the course of our relationship. I thought I was in love with him. I had gone through a period of quite a bit of sex with too many of the wrong men and told him about it, but he still thought of me as innocent. He told me there had been others; though at the time, I might have been the only one other than his wife. I wanted to see his wife one time, so I went into a shop she owned and pretended to look around. The way she looked at me, I had the feeling she knew something. I felt bad for her. I’m not sure why we stopped seeing each other. He wasn’t the only married man I was involved with, but he was the most significant, at least to my memory now. Since then, I was cheated on by my husband (ex now). I felt like it was karma for what I had done to other women. I’m a writer, and one of my favorite subjects for books and scripts is forbidden love. I know that things are not as simple as they look on the surface. There is no simple right or wrong. Even now, after all my mistakes and what I have learned, I love a man who is married. Nothing will ever happen between us. But knowing him has been one of my biggest joys and one of my biggest sorrows.” — Katie, Balboa, Calif.
