Black Women Removing Masks

Do you ever stop long enough to hear that voice inside? That voice inside, that knows your truth, may sound something like this:

Looking through the window, I know you see my successes – the glorious position at work that so many dream of, the house that I live in, the husband I have, the car I drive, the kids playing in the backyard, the degrees on my mantle, and the books I’ve written on my coffee table.

Unfortunately, what you do not see are my hidden masks.

The masks of fear, failure, regret, and shame. The masks of not feeling qualified, always second guessing my decisions or not believing that I was ever good enough. Let us not forget the constant questions of whether I am actually fit for the position I have or the life I live.

The stories that we do not tell are the sorrows that are stashed away in the crevices of our soul and the secrets we keep to ourselves because of what people will think of us if we unveil our masks. Our many masks trump our degrees, our salaries, our marital status and even the achievements of our children.

I struggle with depression and loneliness even as a married woman. I struggle with not always feeling up to being a mother, a friend, the Shero that everyone depends on. I struggle with the expectations that others place on me, yet I continue to smile.

I struggle with being left to figure out how to navigate through this journey called my life while I help others to navigate through their life. I constantly remind myself of how imperative it is to never allow “them to see you sweat” so as a result I forge ahead. Sleepless nights, long days, bags under my eyes and with minimal energy to carry on, I forge forward because I dare not reveal the stories that we as women have been forbidden to tell.

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The lies and the deceit. I attend church every Sunday and I cover up my masks with my lap scarf while singing praise and worship because that is what I have been taught to do. I display the behaviors that I have learned in life and so it is, I continue to hide behind my masks while tending to everyone else’s needs.

How in the world could I ever allow anyone to see what is behind my masks?

It is unheard of to allow the world to see me without my most prim and proper attire, my MAC makeup, the latest designer handbag, trendy red bottom shoes, and mingling in social circles that so many would love to have access to. I by far cannot afford to allow the world to see the tears that drench my pillowcase at night or hear the silent battles I have with myself about the possibility of throwing in the towel, walking away and leaving it all behind.

My masks involve the fact that, for me, good is never enough. I am often the one left to get that which has been left over. I am never satisfied and no matter how hard I try, it always seems as if my goals and dreams are so far out of reach. The masks that I hide behind have contaminated my way of thinking and has altered my way of being so much that what once was the normal standard for being, no longer exist.

The zeal I had to succeed has been sucked away because I have poured out all of my energy by concealing my truth.

The truth that lies behind my masks is that I do not always feel like living up to what everyone else thinks I should be, think, do or feel.

My truth is that my struggle is real, I do not have this all figured out, my life is nowhere near what it’s cracked up to be.

Most importantly, I hurt, I cry, I feel all alone, I struggle, I am often disgruntled and I stand in need of a shoulder to lean on from time to time.

My masks have left me questioning whether or not my labor was in vain, feeling hopeless and silenced in the cellar.

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Today, I make a conscious decision to remove the tape from my lips and to release my truth so that I can help to free others who are wearing masks like me!

It is imperative that we as women take the time to implement strategies to help remove the masks we wear.  Here are a few steps that you can take to help you to begin to remove your masks:

Acknowledgement: We must be honest about our truth. You cannot conquer that which you refuse to confront. The longer you deny the reality of the life you are living, the more masks you accumulate. Accept the fact that you are human and know that it is an unrealistic expectation for you to be as flawless as your makeup and as perfect as others perceive you to be. Stand boldly in your truth and strive to be as authentic as possible.

Acceptance: We must accept the fact that who we are and the life we are living may not add up to become all that we hoped it would be. Embrace the good, the bad and the ugly rather than being so eager to cover it up. It is what it is and the quicker you accept your reality for what it is, the sooner others will be able to accept you for who you are rather than for who you are portraying yourself to be.

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Ask for help:  You do not have to navigate through this world on your own. Seek help, find yourself a counselor to go and talk to, ask a friend or relative for a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to you and a helping hand to assist you with balancing it all. Oftentimes our superwoman capes end up being the cancer that kills us- emotionally, spiritually, physically and even financially. Doing everything on your own is overrated and played out. You have not because you asked not.

Trust:  Connect with a circle of trustworthy supporters and encouragers who will allow you a sacred space where you are able to be as emotionally naked and transparent as you need to be. Establish an accountability system where you are able to identify when life becomes more than what you can handle on your own. Dispel the myth that you have to travel your journey in secrecy and all by your lonesome self.

Bernada Nicole has a passion for empowering, inspiring and equipping individuals with the tools needed to live their best life, to maximize their potential and to cultivate their greatness in the earth. Bernada earned her Master of Business Administration and Master of Public Health degrees from St. Xavier University in Chicago at the tender age of 23. She was also awarded her Master of Divinity degree from McCormick Theological Seminary in Chicago, IL.  Bernada is a Ph.D. candidate in the Community Psychology program at National Louis University. As a Pastoral Counselor, Bernada utilizes a strengths based approach that empowers individuals to overcome the adversities of life and live in the fullness of peace, joy and tranquility. She works to equip individuals with the strategies needed to create work/life balance, cultivate self- esteem & achieve internal peace & emotional stability.  You can visit www.bernadabaker.com for more information.