Wow, it’s already “back-to-school” time!
That means it’s time for the mother–daughter “back to school” chat – those sensitive, awkward conversations that are real talk about change, cliques, style – and yes, sex.
Plan to take your daughter shopping, for a shake or a sandwich. Sit and listen first. Ask “So how are you feeling about school? Validate. Say it’s a lot to juggle. No long lecture or probing session – just mention that you will be there, available and open to listen and help.
ELEMENTARY TO MIDDLE SCHOOL TRANSITION
Middle school is difficult because everybody is worried about the same thing: How popular am I? How many friends do I have? Are my friends “cool” enough?
Middle school brings and emphasis on avoiding embarrassment at all costs. Everything embarrasses them at this age, and everyone is desperately trying to be like everyone else. They like to know their families are there for them, yet they want independence and privacy.
Girls can become more self-conscious during this period; what others feel about them can matter more than what they feel about themselves.
The two most important points for parents are to
listen more than talk, and be calm. Don’t overreact and judge harshly. Reassure your daughter that she is not alone.
MIDDLE TO HIGH SCHOOL TRANSITION
One of the biggest milestones in a child’s life is the transition from middle school to high school. Parents need to keep their ears open, always be talking and have open communication with their children. Young people need to know that their parents love them, understand them and are behind them. Parents who have open communication with their kids have much better success at helping their children through the transitions.
What should you tell your daughter about sex? Here’s a loose script to consider:
“If you’re in elementary, middle or high school give your self a chance to get ready to be an adult. Don’t have sexual intercourse before you are ready. I know it’s easy to say, and hard to do; however, I’m not going to sing the same old song and dance about abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy – you have heard it all before. I just want to say that it’s important to be really ready to handle all the emotional, psychological and physical issues that emanate from letting someone into your most intimate space, exchanging bodily fluids and emotions.”
Grooming?
“Wear some makeup, but don’t wear too much! No boy wants to see a girl with too much makeup on. Also, wear some cute earrings or bracelets. It is not necessary to wear real gemstones. You can wear some fake ones, but make sure they don’t look too cheap and nasty. A key rule to follow: Don’t overdo it.”
Cliques?
“Remember, everyone thinks about being popular in middle school and high school. What’s most important is that you have friends who share common interests and don’t force you to do something you’re not ready to do.”
Parents, remember that during adolescence, peer pressure is real.
Your daughter should take the three following things from your conversations:
1) Be healthy, be happy. If you are unhappy with your appearance, it is always possible to change small things to make yourself feel better without investing a lot of money. Get a haircut if you hate your hair. Make changes carefully, and make sure they are for you, not for other people.
2) Feel worthy, act worthy. Don’t judge. Although it seems like the most popular people judge others all the time, popularity starts with acceptance and being interested in other people, not just in how they dress or who they hang out with. Don’t be afraid to hang …..
