Reasons NOT to Let Your Friends Set You Up

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Hooking Up: 5 Rules for Booty Calls (thumbnail)1. It Could Wreak Havoc on Your Friendship
Say your friend sets you up with her friend John. He’s great-until, out of nowhere, he ghosts you. You turn to your friend for support, but instead of getting on your level, she shrugs and says she’s staying out of this one-leaving you heated. “When your friend sets you up, she automatically becomes the middleman, which can create lots of tension between you two,” Hartman says. ” You may end up putting the onus on her if the situation doesn’t work out, when really the end result is not her fault.” And that blame game can seriously strain your friendship. Another way that a setup can harm your BFF-ness is if you think your match is a total dud and can’t believe that the thought that he was good enough for you entered her brain for a split second. “If your friend sets you up with someone who’s not up to your own standards, you may conclude that she doesn’t think you’re worth a better guy,” Hartman says. And even if that’s a false assumption on your part, the fact that you think it may be true is enough to instigate an unnecessary and potentially hurtful battle.


2. You Feel Pressured into a Relationship

Let’s say that instead of John ghosting you, you get tired of him and fade him out. But you feel so guilty about ending it with him since he’s “in the family” that you let things play out for way longer than they should. “When you let your friends set you up, you end up jeopardizing your own dating freedom because you feel like you owe it to them to give their friends longer chances than you’d give others,” explains Marni Battista, a dating and relationship coach in Los Angeles and founder of Dating with Dignity. Feeling boxed in may cause you to treat the man in question badly out of frustration, Battista adds, which could hurt his feelings more than if you’d cut ties at the appropriate time.

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