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Two-Night Stands: Why More Men Are Trying for Seconds

 by The_Stir, on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:16pm PST

There’s a silly phenomenon, or shall I say “trend,” that is supposedly going on in the sex lives of singles. The one-night stand is out; the two-night stand is in. Single gals have been conversing over brunch about how men have called them back after what they thought was a one-time gig, only to disappear after round two. 

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Which is ridiculous, right? I mean, a trend, really? Come on ladies. Looking back through my sexcapades in the last year, I haven’t seen any difference in … oh wait … come to think of it …

Shiiiit. Those sonofabitches.

It’s so true!

Now I may not make one-night stands a pattern, but I’m also not going to sit here and pretend that I’m a cross-legged angel. I’ve been pretty much single for nearly four years now. If I waited until I was in a complete full-fledged relationship before engaging in sexual activities with someone … never mind, I don’t even want to think of that *shudder*. So, yes, I’ve had a one-night stand before, judge away, judge away.

Done yet?

Okay good. Now, back to the hit-it-and-quit-it, and then, er, hit-it-and-quit-it again. What’s up with that? You’d think that whatever turned him off the first time around would prevent him from wanting seconds. Or, if he did like what he saw/felt/tasted/whatever your cup of tea may be, why does it just stop after the second time?

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Here are my theories:

Theory 1: Three is the magic number, whether it’s sex or simply just going on dates, so really this theory applies to dates in general. After three times of hanging out, people (i.e. women) start to get attached. For me personally, that’s exactly how it works. For others, it may take longer/shorter, but let’s just go with the average here.

First time is getting to know the basics (career/where you went to school/hobbies), second time is getting to know their personality, and third time is when you really start to see if you’re compatible. Guys (or gals) who don’t want to be compatible with anyone skip out before round 3. I’ve done it and I’ve had it done to me — the magic number of three.

Theory 2: He’s sort of seeing someone. And between dates 2 and 3, they got more serious. Crappy timing. And instead of manning up and being honest, he drops off the face of the Earth. Which also happened to me and it wasn’t until I randomly ran into him at a bar a few weeks later that I found out this was the real reasoning for his abrupt brush-off. Why can’t they just tell you the truth? Well, because men think all women are crazy and you’re going to go apes— on them. So they disappear instead. Next!

Theory 3: People like the companionship that comes with a relationship, but some only like it in small doses. So a pretend relationship over the course of a weekend is just enough to get through those lonely single nights during the week. Come Monday morning, it’s time to face reality. Men live in the moment, so they can’t understand why cuddling with you on Sunday morning over coffee in bed should mean anything more than coffee in bed … on that one morning.

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So why now? Why is it becoming more popular? My only thought is that it’s because men are realizing that they can get away with it. They’re able to sneak in one more go before they have to feel completely guilty. Not to mention, I think that our country, overall, is simply becoming more open-minded about casual sex. Women can now have sex just to have sex without necessarily being considered a slut (thank you, SATC), something that men have obviously been able to do for generations with the only consequence from society being a high-five from their buddies. And we’re going with it.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced the two-night stand?

Image via Brittny Drye

Written by Brittny Drye or CafeMom’s blog, The Stir.

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