Love Analytix: The New Year’s Resolutions You Should’ve Made
‘Love Analytix,’ a column all about approaching love with logic over emotion, reviewed the past year and saw there were a lot of lessons about love and relationships to embrace and learn. Now that we are a couple of weeks into the new year, people aren’t just making, but breaking New Year’s resolutions. So, including a few resolutions that help deal with love and relationships may not be a bad idea.
Considering everyone is all about self improvement early in the year — male or female, single or involved, searching or content — these are the top 10 resolutions that we hope can turn into commitments regarding love in the New Year.
10. Stop Living In the Past
Your ex-wife cheated seven years ago, or maybe that guy left you with a baby 16 years ago – don’t let the past rob you of your present. It’s time to change your perception and accept the situation so you can move forward. Living in the past will always cloud the promise of a brighter future.
9. Understand and Respect Differences
Men and women are not the same, and never be. The things that makes us different are the same things that attract us to one another. So respect each other even when you don’t understand each other. No one said love would be easy.
8. You Are What You Attract
If you don’t’ understand why you date loser after loser, or gold digger after gold digger, stop all the blaming and realize you’re giving off a certain energy to have those types flock to you. When you carry yourself in a way that shows what you won’t accept, the type of person you really want will begin to come your way.
7. Take Your Time
Finding love, falling in love, or maintaining love – all require patience. Don’t rush love whether your searching for it, or if you feel you’ve already found it. Time was invented so everything doesn’t happen all at once.
6. Forget About Potential
Don’t concern yourself with a person who likes to tell you what they are “about to do.” Look for those who are truly doing something. Loving someone because you can potentially see them as your dream guy or girl, only makes you tolerate what you hope will change. Those very same things you “tolerated,” will later be the things you possibly resent, but ultimately have to accept.
5. Learn How To Communicate
Females have a tendency not to say what they mean, and the fellas usually don’t say enough. Often, couples and daters have to learn how to fight through these barriers of communication in order to build a foundation that will last. If you want to be about it, you must talk about it.
4. Learn When To Let Go
When things get bad and the pros no longer outweigh the cons, don’t hold on. Especially if it’s just because you don’t want to be by yourself, or if you feel too much time has been invested. So what?! Holding onto someone that isn’t for you is imprisoning yourself, and not giving you a chance to find the love you deserve.
3. Put In Work
Nothing worth it comes easy, and relationships are no exception. The the things you do in the beginning of a relationship when it’s sunshine and rainbows, has to be the same things you do to maintain it. If you are not willing to put in work to sustain a relationship, you will never have a fulfilling one.
2. Love Is Never Enough
Tina Turner said it best, “What’s love gotta to do with it?” Ultimately finding and being in love isn’t just about love. Respect, trust, sacrifice, compromise, timing — the list goes on. If you’re in love, or you want love, remember love is an action word, not a feeling.
1. Love Yourself
Whether you’re in or out of a relationship, know you won’t ever truly be able to love someone else until you learn how to love everything about yourself. Superficial happiness is found in someone else, real happiness is found within you.
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out “who is and isn’t invited.”