“She Was Only 17”: Men and Underage Girls
Twelve months ago, it happened again. Regrettably, the story is a familiar one. An older man, balding and wealthy, began lavishing a younger woman with cash and gifts. As sure as she was stunning, he was horny. And there he salivated, only an arm length’s away from a Pez dispenser of magic blue pills.
That said, this arrangement – excuse me, “non-arrangement” – was merely a platonic friendship, according to the man that no one believes. Justice system, meet Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s Prime Minister. The two of you will be getting to know each other over the next few months.The young woman in question, now a whopping 18, is Karima el-Mahroug. As you can see in the photo above, she resembles a Moroccan Tracey Edmonds. One catch, though: the black Tracey Edmonds wasn’t being wined, dined, and intertwined at the age of 17 by a world leader.
Karima, though, young and susceptible, finds herself at the center of a sex scandal that is shaking this southern European country. She’s been dubbed “Ruby the Heart Stealer”. The proper forensic translation: “Ruby the Teenager”. A seventeen-year-old girl should be stealing the keys to the car, if anything – not the hearts of grown men.
This leads me to a bigger question: What’s up with men chasing underage girls? Fetishes abound; I get that. There are men who will hand over a piece of change for something strange. But having sex, even thinking about about having sex, with a minor a half a mile north of puberty doesn’t rank very high on the checklist of things men should do before they die.
Some will say it’s totally inappropriate, but let’s be clear: Fantasizing about having sex with Sarah Palin, while aggressively whispering “who’s your black democrat,” is inappropriate. But the grand failure of moral judgement that allows a man to think it’s okay to carry-on with a teenager, of whatever sex, is reprehensible.
Many men have claimed ignorance; they didn’t know she was underage, so their police statement goes. Granted, with all the hormone-injected beef at the American dinner table it’s becoming harder and harder to tell how old girls are nowadays. Wait – this just in – actually, it’s not difficult at all.
Check her cheeks – the cheeks on her face, Prime Minister. While her frame may be deceiving in some instances, her face rarely is. Even with make-up, you can tell if you really want to. Still not sure? Check for cellulite; never trust a woman who doesn’t have at least a little bit. And if a man should find himself temporarily blinded by his testosterone, check her iPod for Justin Beiber or Trey Songz. It’s the ultimate litmus test for whether or the iPod owner is a minor or simply a woman who enjoys the same music as minors. Either way, it’s bad news.
I can’t go too much further without invoking the government name of Robert Sylvester Kelly. Scratch that, too easy. Allow me to thumb through the crates. Ah, yes, if it isn’t Rick “she was only 17” James. It’s astonishing that the same man who brought us family-oriented classics like “Super Freak” and “Give It To Me Baby” actually recorded and released a song called “17” in which he professes his longing for a girl preparing to take the SAT exam. That was a big bowl of wrong Rick; a big bowl of wrong.A few lyrics: She said she’d read a magazine that said I was a freak
You’ll never know now, little girl, unless you take a peak
She was only seventeen, seventeen
And she was sexy…
But she was you and fine and oh so tender
Would I break down tonight and surrender
This young girl, this sweet thing, I just can’t wait
No, I mustn’t do this, she’s almost jailbait!Wow, Rick seemed really conflicted in this epic battle of good angel vs. bad angel. Let’s see: in 2011, President Obama debates whether he should raise the taxes on the rich or balance the budget on the backs of the poor (which doesn’t seem like much of a moral dilemma to me). Yet, here was Rick, tossed up over whether or not he should shag a minor and sing about it publicly. I guess the early 80’s were, shall we say, a little more tolerable.And what about this cliche reference to jailbait? I’m not one to wax religious, but shouldn’t the term be “Hell-bait”? Again, I don’t cast stones too often, but there are three reasons why a man should go to hell in my opinion. One: he misuses his Bible as a means to oppress and discriminate against people that he doesn’t understand or disagrees with. Two: he loves smooth jazz, which, by the way, he is welcome to listen to on his way to hell. Finally, three: he throws “bunga bunga” parties where underage girls are reported to frolic poolside in their birthday suits.It never fails; facts are always juicer than fiction. Yes, “bunga bunga” parties is the colorful jibberish Silvio Berlusconi used to described his legendary sex soirees. By the way, Berlusconi credits the soon-to-be deposed Libyan leader Muammar el-Qaddafi with turning him on to the “bunga bunga” party concept. Pure gold. You can’t make this up.
It all reminds me of the show ‘To Catch a Predator’. It appears Italy, albeit mortified, has done just that. For all intents and purposes, they have slammed their Prime Minister to the driveway pavement as he tried to flee through the garage door upon realizing that he was busted.
For men still out there on the prowl, it’s time to get help.
After all, there is something sexy and, not to mention, very legal about a grown woman who looks like grown woman – both face and figure. More importantly, grown women who think and behave like grown women should be all a grown man wants.
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