Last week writer Tracy McMillan caused a stir on the Inter-nuts with an article she penned for Huffington Post entitled “Why You’re Not Married.” This week TheBVX hopes to shed a little more light on the “why am I not married” mystery from a man’s perspective.
For the five of you that missed it, it was another one of those cautionary “I’m-over-30-and-haven’t-found-a-man-to-marry-me-yet articles.” (Think: VH1 stars Chilli and Brandy)
While marriage is always on the mind of most women as the dating end game, most men just see it as the end. This may seem like a foreign concept to the ladies, so here are 10 reasons why dudes don’t commit.
1. He doesn’t feel like he can afford you.
Believe it or not, there are plenty of men that would love to put a ring on it. Problem is said ring costs a heck of a lot. There’s even some outdated “rule” about the average engagement ring costing three month’s salary that some women still believe. Even if a guy’s dealing with someone that says she doesn’t care about the size of the ring, deep down inside every woman wouldn’t mind stuntin’ on their friends with a big ol’ blood diamond rock on her hand. That’s a lot of unnecessary pressure–especially in a recession. There’s no way a man is going to propose to a woman he feels he can’t even provide for.
2. He has too many options.
If what women say about there not being enough available men is true then the few that actually qualify as a “good” catch have way too many options. According to a 2009 American Community Survey, there are 131,548 more unmarried and divorced women than men in New York City. If you really want to crunch the numbers that means there are 263,096 more unclaimed boobs in the Big Apple alone. With odds like that why wouldn’t an eligible bachelor have Young Money’s ‘Every Girl‘ as his anthem?
3. He has more time.
Unlike women, men aren’t born with a set number of sperm so we can procreate well past retirement age without worrying about any complications the older we get. Since guys don’t have to go through the physical changes of pregnancy, there’s no biological clock ticking that puts us on a baby-making timetable. That said, most men prefer playing the field a bit longer before retiring from the game. Unfortunately, when we do decide to settle down we’ll probably pick a younger model of you. What up, Russell?
4. He knows someone that looks better than you.
Men are vain and visual creatures. We like women with curves and no wrinkles. So while it’s nice talking to a woman with a nice head on her shoulders, if that combination isn’t offset by some T&A there might be a time delay on that ring. Even if he is open-minded enough to see your inner beauty there’ll always be a prettier face or better body that’ll catch his eye. The simple fact is if a man isn’t initially attracted to you he probably never will.
5. He can’t see you raising his children.
When a man actually gets to the point where he wants a wife, there are a few things he has to consider. Namely, will this hot chick actually make a good wife and mother to his kids? A trophy wife is nice and all but if she doesn’t have a single domestic bone in her pretty body then there may be a problem. We need certain assurances that this woman can take care of the home on all fronts–kitchen, kids and bedroom. That’s the difference between being wifey material and an actual wife.
6. He’s scared.
With nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce and disgruntled wives taking half a man’s cash in the process, it’s no wonder men are in no rush to jump the broom. There’s just too much at stake. In addition to losing some zeroes in their bank account should things fall apart, men also worry about losing their freedom. Once a man gets locked down he feels like he’s going to miss out on all the fun his single friends are having. The grass always looks greener on the other side, especially when you have to start mowing your own.
7. He’s not really attracted to you.
A man can pursue a woman and sleep with her regularly but that doesn’t mean he actually likes her. She might just have a bangin’ body or a cute face, and while those are both great qualities to have they don’t speak to the core of who that woman is as a person. Maybe she’s boring, has a bad temper or is annoying, whatever the case he’s not attracted to the actual person just the physical. (Some) men will struggle with the inner turmoil of having this girl on his arm that everyone goes crazy over while behind closed doors she just drives him crazy.
8. He hasn’t met “the one” yet.
Just because you think you’re a good catch doesn’t mean he’s the one that’s supposed to catch you–or that you’re really as good as you think you are. Words like “good” are subjective, anyway, and vary from person to person, so what could make one man swoon over you could make another just want to hurl. When a man meets “the one,” though, it’s a wrap. He does everything within his power to lock her down. For whatever the reason Ms. Right always seems to be the woman right after you but don’t take it personal. It’s not about what she did differently, how you “groomed” him or whatever you say to make yourself feel better, you just weren’t the one for him. Get over yourself.
9. He’s just not ready.
Let’s be real, certain people don’t need to be married-at least not right now. They’re just not mature enough or too selfish to make a lifelong commitment to someone else at this point in their life. It takes a certain level of self-awareness to recognize that and decide not to waste someone else’s time. The key is for a woman to respect a man knowing himself better than she thinks she knows him. And just because you’ve been together for a long time is not a good enough reason to get hitched, especially if he’s really not ready.
10. He wants to feel like it’s his decision.
Some women are marriage crazy. They obsess over it so much that they start mapping out seating arrangements for the reception dinner after the second date. Women like this usually have a timetable of when they’re supposed to be married. This usually leads to an ultimatum of, “If I don’t have a ring by X time then it’s over.” Not only is something like that wack it’s also unromantic. Wouldn’t a woman rather a man propose because he feels it in his heart and not because she boxed him in a corner? Yeah, some of us are slow to pop the question, but let a man be a man and move at his own pace, especially when it’s something as important as forever ever.
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