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The fade-away breakup: how to handle it when it happens to you

By Lauren RomanoWed Apr 20 2:46pm PDT

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The fade-away breakup is when one person simply stops contacting and responding to their partner. Although it may happen more often with less-serious relationships, it does happen with significant and long-term relationships as well. If you’ve ever been at the receiving end of a fade-away breakup, it can be completely irritating. You’re likely more confused, hurt and upset than you would have been had the other person actually communicated wanting to end things. There are a few reasons for a fade-away breakup as well as different ways to handle it to get through it the best way you can.He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings

This may sound like a horrible excuse, but there are actually guys that genuinely believe that the fade-away breakup is the best way to avoid hurting your feelings, especially if they feel that you’re sensitive. Instead of giving you a reason that might hurt you, the guy may believe that you thinking he’s a jerk for disappearing is a better alternative to being hurt by the reason he would give you.

He’s freaked out

Although unlikely, it’s a possibility that the reason he pulled a fade-away is because he got freaked out at something that happened between the two of you. For example, if he couldn’t “rise to the occasion” in bed, he may be so embarrassed that he just fades away. The “freak out” reason typically happens with a newer or more casual relationship. I once dated a guy for two months who pulled the fade-away, then came around four months later with the excuse that he was “unsure at the time if he could be in a relationship until he bettered himself and that he wanted to try again.” I told him that it was great that he wanted to be a better person, but pulling a fade-away is not the way to go about doing that. I also told him that had he talked to me about it instead of pulling a fade-away, another chance in the future would have been entirely possible, but his sheer lack of respect rendered an immediate “no” despite the fact that I was still attracted to him.

He’s a coward

More often than not, the fade-away is just a cowardly way of ending things with someone. The guy wants to avoid having an awkward breakup conversation, so that’s exactly what he’ll do by slowly disappearing out of your life. He may have lost interest or feelings for you, but some of the other reasons include that he’s seeing someone else, he didn’t feel that the relationship was significant enough to require a conversation to end it, he has more feelings for another woman than he does for you, or he realizes that he no longer wants to pursue the relationship the two of you were having.

Most people want what they can’t have, so when the guy pulls a fade-away, you’re likely going to want him more — not because you like him more but because he’s not giving you what you want. You may try to contact him more often, but it’s best to not contact him at all after you try him twice without getting contact reciprocated. Don’t show up to spots he might be or leave him annoyed text messages. Despite what some may think, there’s no excuse for a fade-away breakup. If you’re old enough to be in a relationship, you’re old enough to handle ending one regardless of the type of relationship it is. The best thing you can do is just move on to someone else who has more courtesy and respect for your feelings.

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