Last weekend I was a guest on the R&B podcast hosted by my good friend Lincoln Anthony Blades. He asked me to discuss men jumping ship during the dating process.
Before You take a listen, let me paint the picture: So guy chases down girl, guy gets girl’s number, girl is like, “ok I guess so you aite, we’ll talk”, then guy and girl go out a few times, have a few great conversations, maybe talk about future dates, then……………………………………………his calling pattern changes, contact less frequent, dates? What date? A call or text may come up a few weeks later and he sincerely replies with, “been busy”…………………………………………………………………… sir?!
How do you process a situation like this? I mean from bird’s eye view it’s simple, but when you’re actually the one who was wined, dined and denied it’s a whole other ball game.
The answer is quite simple. The lovely man you gave your number to was probably on the prowl, has an existing relationship or some messy unfinished business on the side. When we date ideally it’s more than one prospect in the running at any one time. Men tend to understand this and adopt this principle with ease sometimes slipping up with words, promising things they have no business promising.
But that’s it in a nutshell, he’s busy…with someone else. It’s not uncommon for a girl to resort back to the girlfriend tribe with a scenario such as this one to seek counsel. Her girlfriends may be a little tipsy off that Moscato and suggest that she dig further into the situation and GET AN ANSWER.
Don’t you dare listen to that drunk heifer!
Let me give it to you straight liquor NO chaser:
- If he wants you, you will know it. You will feel wanted. You won’t have to question his whereabouts or wait for long drawn out and meaningless excuses explanations because he will feel comfortable confiding in you.
- If he happens to get tight-balled and gives you a, “I’m going through some things,”, “I’m busy” or any other dramatic answer take it and leave it. Don’t feel the need to support or be that ride or die chick. Why? You’re technically still in dating mode and by the sounds of it, dude has yet to commit. You’d be doing too much, that’s how, “that chick is crazy” gets started.
- The more time you spend analyzing his clear as day actions, the less time you have to move on and garner attention from the fine brother who has been eying you on your way to work. He hasn’t made his move yet because you never look up from your phone. Stop waiting for that dude’s text, he’s moved on…so should you.
- You are still this beautiful attractive firefly of a woman, so don’t get down on yourself when you realize the truth. Remember we date to learn more about ourselves and this involves the process of elimination.
- He doesn’t owe you a dime. He went all out to ask for your number, maybe told you a few things that sounded sweet and sincere but this does not mean he is obligated to hand you a four page letter explaining his decline in communication.
- Men speak the strongest with their actions. Let’s flip the situation. Say this dude kept saying he wanted to go watch the game and be with other chicks but he stayed taking you out treating you nice and making you feel loved. It’s confusing yes, but his actions suggest he is just talking smack because he’s by your side. Tune men out and pay attention to what they do-it’s easier that way.
I can write this because I’ve been that girl that constantly over analyzed every text, phone call, excuse- all that. I wanted to make things work even when it was clear as day that it was over. Quit trying to make relationships work that aren’t real relationships in the first place. In a loving relationship a man doesn’t abandon his woman; he loves her, cares for her and wants her to feel safe and secure. Even the grimiest of players have it in them to be this man, but don’t go demanding something of any man that he simply is not ready for…he’ll come to you- I promise.