Rob Hill Sr. A Letter To The Hearts Part 2
This conversation actually took place a few years ago. At the time, I had been dating a guy for quite some time, and we had an incredible connection and amazing chemistry, but we had not had sex. I was at a crossroad and was in need of a man’s perspective, so I turned to Rob for some answers.
During a routine chat, I asked him for his advice:
Necole: First, let me say that I am a female that doesn’t give herself up too easily. I’m not interested in sleeping around or having sex with someone that I am not seriously committed to. One thing that I have noticed over the years is that I’ve met some pretty good guys that have treated me with nothing but the utmost respect but, I also keep hearing these insane stories from various women about how they are dogged out and mistreated by these guys and I’m wondering why I haven’t experienced that. So now, I’m starting to associate me not having sex with the guys I am just ‘casually dating,’ with me getting treated with a higher level of respect. It’s almost like I’ve started to believe that I hold the ‘power’ until I give myself up and for that reason alone, it makes me not want to sleep with anyone. So the dilemma comes when I find someone that I connect with, we spend a lot of time together, and he treats me right, however, months upon months will go by and we aren’t being intimate because in my mind, as soon as we become intimate, his attitude will change a bit and things will go down hill. Then, I will become one of those other girls.
Should I just reap the rewards of being that ‘prize’ that hasn’t given herself up, or do I finally one day give in when I find the right guy? How do I know that it won’t change things?
Rob Hill Sr.: How do you know that it won’t change things? You don’t! There’s no perfect science to say that if you do ‘this,’ things will change and if you do ‘that,’ things won’t. You do hold “power” but it’s not in your pants, it’s in your behavior. Real men naturally respond to challenges, so if you can keep his attention for months upon months, he’s not just there for the sex. Now naturally, a man will want sex, it’s in our makeup, but smart women with substance have a way of making that seem like nothing more than icing on the cake. Holding out gives the man a chance to notice more, and it also naturally cuts off the weak candidates.
I don’t believe sex changes things, but I do believe it exposes some stuff, especially when you do it too soon. That’s why I always say people know sex, but they don’t understand intimacy/romance. The problem for most women is, they just don’t trust their ability to pick the right ones. Women beat themselves up with their own mistakes and with the mistakes of their friends. They remember the liar, the player, the one who wouldn’t commit to their friend and they trap themselves in thought. You have to believe that you’ve taken the time to get to know this guy, be confident that he’s worth the experience, and trust that if things change, it won’t be because of sex, it will be because he just wasn’t the right one for you.