Have you been online dating and running into the same type of person? Here’s how you can prevent that.
1. First, get very clear about the values you’re looking for in a partner. These are the absolutely essential characteristics your partner must have.
To do this, take the time to identify what you don’t want in a partner. What are the negative characteristics you’ve seen in the people you’ve met online? An inability to listen? Being too caught up in themselves? Insecurity? Self-centeredness? Be very specific.
Now, list the opposites of these traits — good listener, unselfish, secure with self, other-centered. These are the values you want. They’re non-negotiable.
2. Next, review your online profile and introduction. Be sure to mention your values because this will help screen out people who are not attracted by the qualities that are important to you.
You can word the values portion of your profile like this: “I’m a strong, values-oriented person who places a lot of importance on honesty, ability to make a commitment, humor, giving to others and being involved with family. My ideal partner will share these values, too.”
3. Finally, watch out for red flags. When you start to communicate with someone watch for things like:
- Someone pulling at your heartstrings with a profile that reads, “I am widowed and have a young child who needs a father figure.”
- Too much information too soon. This could be a lack of boundaries, or rushing to get intimate. The operative phrase for online dating is “Take your time!”
- Lots of “I wants.” Look for profiles where the person talks more about what they offer, rather than what they want.
- Complaints about past relationships. If you’re hearing these while you’re getting-to-know each other, your date hasn’t healed, or doesn’t have the ability to forgive. These are not positive traits in a long-term partner.