10 Reasons Why Women Cheat
by Journey Ade Posted Mar 7th 2011 4:55PM
From Bossip: It’s no secret that women cheat too, but the reasons why the fairer sex may creep are vastly different from her male counterpart. In a recent infidelity study by Coffee and Company, a British marriage bureau, found that of the 3,000 participants, nearly 20 percent of women confessed to cheating. Keep reading for a few reasons why.
1. They Seek Revenge
“Men are not emotional so they usually can’t feel the same pain unless it is done back to them,” says Bonnie Weil, Ph.D. of DoctorBonnie.com, author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. “Women feel cheating is a way to even the score.” That probably won’t help to heal the relationship. But once a man cheats, it’s a whole different ballgame, according to Alisa Bowman, author of Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters: “It feels as if the rules a woman has been following are no longer relevant or valid.”
2. For the Thrill of It
“An affair is a stress-busting, thrill-seeking, self-medicating high,” says Weil. And, while a woman may cheat to see if she can get away with it, she often doesn’t really want to get caught, says Bowman: “She just wants the bird in her hand and the one in the bush – and she’s deluded into thinking that she really can have both.” But this reason is perhaps less common than others, says infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com. “[A woman] will usually try to let her husband know that there is a problem first,” she explains. “If he fails to address them, ignores her, or takes her complaint lightly, she may then cheat because feels she has no other choice.”
3. For the Ego Boost
“When women cheat with other men, the other men usually compliment them and make them feel sexy in ways their current partner isn’t doing,” says Meyers. “Cheating often occurs in relationships where she isn’t feeling connected emotionally to her current partner.” So husbands beware if your wives feel unloved, underappreciated or even ignored. Houston says, “If a wife feels neglected or taken for granted by her husband, she becomes very vulnerable and can very easily succumb to having an affair, emotional or physical – with a man who makes her feel special, desired.” When the relationship is strained, with both partners “bruising one another’s egos left and right and criticism flying,” that can also open the door to double-timing, says Bowman.
4. To Find a Love Connection
Are you lovers or roommates? Over time, it can be tough to tell – and you long for the early stages of love. “That’s when you have this wonderful sense of being chosen,” says Bowman. “Long-term relationships are much different. Those lovely chemicals that had flooded your brain when you first met have now faded.” That downward slide isn’t inevitable, though, if you put the work in, says Weil. “Couples must rekindle the romance magic on a daily and weekly basis,” she says. “It is important to keep recreating the same chemicals as when they first fell in love, by using attachment skills, like the 30-second kiss and the 20-second hug, which raise the endorphin levels.” And here’s a surprise: A fight-free marriage isn’t always a stronger marriage. “Conflict creates passion. A polite marriage is higher in adultery than a marriage with arguments,” Weil says.
5. They Want to Get Caught
“Most women cheat as an escape hatch,” says Weil. And this is especially true of married mothers. “If the woman has children, she has a hard time leaving the husband without the feeling of guilt,” she says. But that subsides if she’s not the one who’s initiating the break-up. “The affair is a way to alleviate the feeling of stress and guilt, as the husband may leave her.” Houston calls it an “exit affair,” intended to terminate the marriage. “Men are much less tolerant than women when it comes to infidelity and are less likely to forgive a cheating wife,” she says. “A husband who has been cheated on is much more likely to end his marriage than to give his cheating wife a second chance.”
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