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Looking Through Your Partner’s Smartphone? Not So Smart
 

By Davina Dummer, BounceBack Editorial Staff

The world of technology is evolving and our lives have become governed by our phones, emails, computers and social networks. Our entire communication history is kept on our smartphones and computers. While this can be great for work and business, it has led to more and more problems in some relationships. It means we spend more time attached to technology than the generations before us, and thus has made us more insular and in some respects, private.

We’ve all been there; you’re watching TV with your partner and their phone beeps indicating they have received a text message. They pick up their phone and reply. You ask ‘who was that?’ and they reply ‘oh, no one.’ While they probably meant that it was no one or nothing of importance, this kind of response can lead to an arousal of suspicion.

Related: Text Me: 3 Reasons Why Your Reply Should Wait

Despite this kind of situation, you should not check your partner’s phone. This is simply because every individual has a right to privacy. This does not mean they have something to hide, but everyone has the right to have their privacy respected. Checking a partner’s messages is a slippery slope; once you do it once, you will find it hard to resist doing it again. So it is just better to never do it. Also, keep in mind that if you let your partner know you have checked their messages, then you are breaking their trust. You have done something behind their back and invaded their privacy.

Text messages and emails can sometimes be misinterpreted. If you are checking your partner’s messages then you are already suspicious. If you are already in that frame of mind, then you will bring that to whatever you read. This can have disastrous consequences. Accusing someone of cheating, when they are not, can be incredibly hurtful and can lead to major issues in the relationship or to the end of a relationship.

Related: 6 Reasons Why Smartphones are Bad for Relationships

A friend of mine told me that she and her partner agreed at the beginning of their relationship to never exchange passwords to have access to each other’s messages or emails. She said although sometimes she may have been intrigued, she knew it was a path she should never go down, and subsequently never has.

If you already suspect your partner of cheating – not just jealous that they are spending time with an attractive friend or co-worker, but you actually have felt a shift in your relationship – then that is something you should discuss with your partner. You should not accuse them outright of cheating, but should discuss that your relationship feels like it has changed. Discuss how you feel and what you want to do in terms of moving the relationship forward or whether you would like to end the relationship.

Related: Dating in the Modern Age: Do Old Conventions Still Apply?

The truth is, having access to your partner’s messages is not going to prevent infidelity. If someone wants to cheat, they are going to do it. The best thing is for you to have integrity and respect for yourself and not go down that route. Trust your partner. If you really, truly believe they are cheating, then confront them, calmly. As much as you may want to scream or be angry, simply ask them, stating your reasons for asking and explain you do not want to be in a relationship where your partner is unfaithful.

Improvements in technology have made communication over emails and texts and calls much more popular than face-to-face, so keep in mind that just because your partner spends a lot of time on their technology, it does not mean they are being deceptive or are cheating. It is just the way our society seems to be heading.

Davina Dummer is a writer and acting coach originally from England, who runs the Malisa Theatre Academy, a Theatre school in New York City. She is currently working on her first feature film.

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