Would You Be a Cougar?

Last night, as I watched one of my favorite shows, The New Adventures of Old Christine, I had a good laugh about the subject matter. (In case you’re unaware, the show is about a quirky woman who’s divorced and living as a single mom). Basically, Old Christine (who is so similar to me, it’s uncanny) was set up on a blind date with a notably younger man. I began pondering the thought of being set up with such a guy myself. He was quite the eye candy– much like a young Tom Welling from Smallville. No need for me to wonder: I would totally go for him! Hey, anyone want to set me up?

So, is it acceptable for an older woman (aka “cougar”) to date a younger man? My immediate answer to this would be “no.” I’m not a prude, but admit that I’m a tad bit old-fashioned. If someone is young enough to be your child, it’s a kind of unnatural connection, at least romantically speaking. Or maybe I haven’t matured to the stage of over-looking something like a person’s age. I’m stumped.

What is the boundary of “bizarreness”– if there is such a thing? Let’s not forget that Hugh Hefner recently called off his wedding with a 20-something-year-old fiancé. She claimed he wanted to “watch movies and cuddle rather than have sex.” Is anyone shocked?

One of the reasons I felt huge age gaps in couples were awkward, is the memory I had while I was still with my ex. We were celebrating our second honeymoon in the Hotel Coronado, and couldn’t help but notice couples from other rooms venturing out on the veranda. There was an older man sitting outside enjoying the views of sunset in beautiful Southern California. Meanwhile, his much “younger” lover was going in and out of their room, almost in a frenzy– like she was uncomfortable in her own skin. Perhaps, she would have been happier going out on the town instead? My observation was that they didn’t talk at all.

If I don’t have a common background to relate to my partner, then what would we talk about? How can you recall and discuss the recession of the 1990’s with your mate, if he or she was running around in diapers at the time?

So, in my philosophical and often over-analytical ways (notice the word “anal” appears in that word?), I thought about the pros and cons of dating younger men:

Pros:

• We are both at our sexual peak. I heard about this as a teenager, but never really understood it, but dayyyum– it’s SO true! Young men and women near 40 have the cravings of a wild beast. I’m not kidding. If you are a woman around this age and don’t feel the same, try celibacy for a few LONG months, and you will understand where I’m coming from.
• Older women have simpler expectations. I’m generalizing, but I know myself. I don’t fantasize about the “fairytale wedding” and “Mr. Perfect” like I did in my youth. I’d like the basics of a good lover, a faithful companion, and enjoying soothing moments of intelligent conversation between the steamy sessions. Or is that just me?
• Young guys seem less jaded. I may be totally wrong, but all the guys close to my age that I’ve recently dated had issues, were emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic, insecure and left so fast, they practically left streaks on my floor. The younger men I talk to still have a very positive and upbeat attitude about life–that is very attractive! Although, I’m sure plenty of young guys can be skittish about commitment, too.

Cons:

• Women my age have already had the kids they want, or their biological clock has timed out. Sorry, but I’ve gone through the phase I like to call “hard time”– yes, as in “prison.” I’m done with diaper changes, overnight feedings, and crying until I want to jump over a ledge. If a younger guy wants to become a dad, I’m not going to be his “baby momma.” Been there, done that (when I was very young). I’m ready to have the fun I missed in my 20’s.
• Social acceptance– or lack of it. I don’t know why, but if an older guy hooks up with a young broad, he’s high-fived, and admired for his “success.” If an older woman is with a younger man, she is labeled a “cougar,” and the relationship is somehow “scandalous.” I could be wrong, but this (and the thought that a guy is closer in age to my daughter than to me) is the major reason I’m opposed to dating younger men. I shouldn’t really care what others think but still– my conscience would get the best of me.

So, I’m sort of torn about the whole concept: would you condone a “cougar” when she dates a man young enough to be her son? Or is it too much of an age gap? Where is the boundary of acceptable age differences?

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