I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence
Young& Violent Love Story
[so back to were i was hanging with my best friend] i didnt answer his call and i gave it 10 mins i hered her scream and say someones in your backyard i look an there he was after that day he started just showing up everywhere if he didnt belive me to just check on me it got to the point i was at a family party i came home to my room i turned on the light and there he was sitting on my bed just waiting for me noone let him in he let himself in thru my window. i use to even wake up when i here my window open i new that was him to check if i was home it got really scary and his anger started to get to the point were he started to hold me really tight and slap me when i did things wrong then he tell me how sorry he was he never wants to hurt me just i make him so angry that i dont listen.
then one day one of my study partners text me saying should he come over (he wantted the lab papers nothing more) and it happens to be when me an him were alone at my house and i got it thats the first time i started to notice it was getting bad he pushed me to the floor screaming who that was i was a **** a hoe who did i think i was talking to him i was a cheater i was a liar i tryed to get up but he kept pushing me down saying you dont deserve to get up your low and got on top of me an i strangled to get off crying please jr please i promise you he didnt want to here what i was saying he all he was was on top of me holding me down then put his hands around my neck knowing he was chocking me new i couldnt breath new that i was drifting away my eyes were closing not caring just holding harder and harder and just finally let go i was on the floor lying there he realized i wasnt moving i was still conscience but to afraid to move he picked me up holding me saying sorry baby im so sorry please babe i was just upset please crying and kissing me tender i was so scared i just sat there not saying anything and hereing him tell me how sorry he was an he was just upset he didnt mean it he never wants to hurt me again that my look in my face was enough for him to never hurt me again (but he did)
the next time he hurt me we were outside my house infront of my garage we were arguing and he slapped me and held me against the garage with his arm around my neck grabbed my phone an broke it in half and left my neighbor saw and called the cops i made my first report on him my face was swollen were he slapped me my parents werent fond of him since then when they found out they told me i couldn’t see him no more so we had to start sneaking around i went back even after little episodes of him hitting me here an there even if it was one hit he right away apologize. we always were at his house he started going crazy and destroying my property breaking in my house again and my parents were to the point they said we needed a restraining order i still was seeing him tho so they couldn’t get it till i approved it went on for months the drama an little episodes till one day THE WORSE EPISODE that changed it all. changed everything and who i am today
it was in October i was already graduated an out of school and my parents just had enough of him and me sneaking around tehy told me to go live with him then they didnt want me to be with him if i lived in there house so i did i moved in with him and the first day i moved my stuff in he told me how happy he was we went to go eat he was so nice the first couple days till one day i took out my phone and started texting my friend francine who happen to live right near him so i figured we could hang out you know but he didnt want me to go outside or anything i told him it was just to hang out we got into an he ended up taking my phone away from me and said go to bed he put my phone under his pillow i ignored it and went to sleep i woke up earlier then him and i thought i could sneak and get the phone under his pillow he was past out asleep so i went over to the side of the bed slowly put my hand unde rthe pillow to get my phone and just as i grab it he wakes up he looks at me not saying anything and just starts yelling gets up throws me to the other mattress on the other side of the room saying why do i need to talk to someone **** calling me names saying who you need to go have sex with accusing me of cheating on him Thats why i took my phone because my other boyfriends were texting me then well in the middle of him scolding me and yelling my phone rigs (it was my guy frined) i have no idea why he was calling me i had no idea we dont even talk but he called and to top it off jr didnt like him an he was my black friend and jr not racist but he thought i was messing with black guys now and he was like you nasty *** trick you like black dudes alright alright and i could see his fist cinching and his blood boiling his vein in his head he just went at me he started hitting me as hard as he could i covered my face and tried to get away he locked the door (he rented a room out of a house) he was blocking the entrance to leave the room he locked it and just was hitting me trowing me against teh wall i went around his computer table and stubbed my knee and the corner i started bleeding alot he saw i was bleeding and said oh now your bleeding i didn’t do that to you. standing over me mocking me if i was a baby does it hurt you stupid ***** does it! yelling and there i was crying so afraid he never goes as crazy as this he gets near me and pours the peroxide bottle all over me in my hair on my clothes and face (i had blondish hair at the time so it burned my hair) laughing making me feel worthless i strt to fight back but of course he is stronger then me finally i give up and curl up and he still hitting me he gets my phone and throws it against the wall i say please ill leave just give it back he tells me im not going to leave anywhere and picks me up to hold me against the wall chocking me im hitting the wall so someone could here me i just felt so weak an looking at him i couldnt talk and him shaking me holding me yelling telling me how much he loves me how come he couldnt be the only guy for me how come i had to talk to other guys how much he loved me that i have no idea he cares for me how much he’s done for me how come im doing this to him tighter and tighter he holding me i looked into his eyes never seen his eyes look like that his eyes looked so empty and cold and black i felt like i was going to die i new then he was gnna kill me taking my last breath i could feel myself drfiting and his voice getting louder and louder and my legs getting weak and no air in my lungs coming thru and him still holding me there well i was drifting away then we here the man who owns the house he renting the room off of banging on the door asking whats going on in there he runs over to cover my mouth but my muffling i had it in me to do a loud one you can here thru he continues to bang the door he yells nothing were fine i bite him an he lets go i scream help and run for the door and open it i never ran so fast in my life i booked it outside the house grabbed my bag and i didn’t know were to go i was a mess mascara all over from crying my hair looked a mess with peroxide in it i was still in my pjs shorts & plain white top my knee was still bleeding i felt my face swollen i just ran in the street i i look behind me i slow down an look and there he was following asking him please jr just please leave me alone im leaving its over im sorry just please but he didnt care he got closer to me talking **** and yet again calling me every name in the book then say why you taking your clothes and knocks my bag to the floor i go to pick it up but when i lean down to get it i get a kick to the ribs (knocked the wind out of me) i get back up pleading him to stop and he gave me one big sock to the back of teh head i fell to the curb ( REMINDER IM OUTSIDE AN THERE ARE PEOPLE OUTSIDE PEOPLE LOOKING PEOPLE HEARING ME CRY FOR HELP & no one NOONE helped me Noone ;( ) he spit on me humiliated me tell me how worthless i was an i was just a **** i was noone to him anymore i was a **** in his eyes an always will an i lost a good guy and trying to guilt me into seeing what im loosing and brought up that i never lost it to him (he never believed i lost my virginity to him that was a huge argument i had with him cuz i honestly did i was with noone else befor but he never belived me)
there i was in the middle of the street ,shirt dirty from the street an mud on my feet and knees my nose was bleeding my head had a HUGE bump on the back of it when he full forced punched me sitting there crying just please stop and he didnt he continued to beat me till this old man says stop you dont do that to a lady but thats all he said he just looked at the guy an gave me one last kick that my my chance to run and i did i ran i ran my fastest i think in my life i ran and turned the corner went under a car till i saw him pass i hid i hid for a good 20 mins i saw a lady coming out her house i ran so fast pleading to use her phone she let me inside i called my bestfirned to come get me i didnt want to call my parents they told me this would happen they told me i called her and she came to pick me up went to the police station made another report on him he already had 4 other charges i made on him earlier that year but this one i said i was gnna go thru with i told them they saw how i looked and i told them what happen they felt horrible they tried to go looking for him i went months not talking to him and i started to re talk to him in January again he told me how sorry he was i didnt wnna tell anyone i was cuz they new what happen i didn’t see him but we would talk on the phone and then he started to get mad when he try to see me but i didnt wnna see him yet we were secretly together thru phone then he started again with calling me names telling me he doesnt regret hitting me saying i did deserve it, makes me sick to my stomach thinking he doesnt regret it we ended it he ended up turning everything around on me making me feel like the worthless once again he changed his number he moved he told me he doing so much better without me and it was me that made him that way and he would never do that to another girl it was just me
so what i wanna know is why do i miss him ?. why do i feel responsible when i know im not the one . ? why is it that he can just move on so quick i should be able to move on quick but i cant i cant even be near another guy i dont find any guys attractive nor wanna be with anyone ?.. how is it that he can go on with his life guilt free not missing me or care when he did this to me he hurt me he messed me up there not a day that goes by that i dont cry he broke me inside and out he honestly hurt me 4 1/2 years with this guy and he messed me up he can go on with his life prob be with another girl without even missing me . how come he doesn’t miss me how come its easy for him to just move past me . im the one that should move past him im the one that should hate him im the one that should hate him an not want anything with him! >:( how come i dont how come i do how come i do miss him an wnna talk to him i feel like im sick how could i ever love a monster a guy that treated me soo bad an hurt me both emotionally and physically how come ! ;(
i never wrote my experience on those episodes he ever done with me it feels so good to know that im not the only one out here……
