1. The One Who Never Wanted to Commit–Until He Met You

This sounds like the dream, right? The guy who proclaimed to all that he’d never settle down with anyone ever, and then ate his words when you came along? But the problem is that no matter how wowed by you he is now, the moment things become less exciting, less overwhelmingly amazing between the two of you (and the moment will come), he is likely to have second thoughts. And that will make you feel awful. Maybe you’ll sense it happening, in which case you’ll probably try harder, to do whatever you can to make sure things don’t get less exciting. But that’s a basis for a performance, not a marriage.

You need to meet this guy, however, so that when you meet the guy you should marry you can tell the difference. The one you ought to marry will be a person who wants to be in a committed relationship and who will work with you to make your marriage strong. He won’t feel he has made a mistake, or been duped, every time something between the two of you isn’t perfect, because he will already know that relationships, like other true and meaningful things, operate on an axis that has nothing to do with perfect–they are messy, real, evolving things. That’s what’s so great about them.

2. The Guy Who Knows Everyone, I Mean, Everyone, In Town

This is a guy who’ll save you when you need to get a table at the hot, new restaurant or a contact at a company to which you’re thinking of sending your resume. But be wary. This guy is always chatting on the phone–or sending emails or responding to texts–during dinners, holidays, all the times when you long for attention. Makes sense: He’s responding to all those other people who need an in at that trendy restaurant or a professional contact, after all, and he’s got to keep his Rolodex up-to-date; it requires constant effort. His desire to help, his sociability, these are some of his best qualities–as a friend.

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